Let "ME" The F Out!!

Dear (10 year old) TentCamper,

I am writing to you today to tell you that no matter how you might feel right now…things WILL change. I know that you are only in fourth grade and that people pick on you, call you names and beat you up, only because your skin is darker than theirs. You need to trust me, I have been exactly where you are right now and if you stay strong and show everyone that you are a nice, likeable boy, you will be fine.

When I was your age the same thing happened to me. I was scared to go to school most days and knew that I was going to be beat up by groups of bigger kids. The butterflies in my stomach were so bad most of the time that I threw up or just went straight into the nurse’s office to hide. I used to fight back, the best I could, but for the most part…I tried to be invisible. I did not want anyone to notice me. I stayed to myself, did not make waves and ALWAYS wanted to be alone. I was very lonely and wanted the other kids to like me…but I was too scared to take any chances.

Do you feel ‘hollow’ like I did? I hope not. It is a horrible way to feel. If you can, take only this advice; be yourself. Let everyone know just how funny, nice, cool and smart you really are. Tear down that wall that you have put up around you. Crawl out of that hole. Open your heart to others…even if you think that they won’t care. There will be no way that they won’t like you. I will tell you - that worked for me.

I was always a very kind, gentle, caring, funny, personable and sensitive child, but I never let other people know …only because I was scared of them. They never saw who I really was. Not until I was in 5th grade…that is when I let ‘ME’ out. And from that point on…not even my skin color could drag away some of the great friends that I’d made.

The last thing that I’d like to say to you…and you can believe me or not…You are going to have a great life. You are going to be important in the lives of many people and the happiness that you are going to bring them will change them forever.

My heart is with you.

TentCamper Sr.

For more great stories , check out Mama's Losin It

The Peace Corps...Not So Peaceful

This friend of mine joined the Peace Corps a few years ago. He was a young guy and wanted to do something special…something for others. He was soon sent off to some desert area near Egypt for his first mission (or whatever they call it) to help build school houses and teach children in need. What a great guy. Smart, loving, dedicated, honest and giving.

Anyway, when he returned we got together for a few beers and to talk about his “journey.” After he had downed more than a pitcher, he began telling me a story that I don’t think he ever intended on telling anyone…but I just sat there nodding my head…and listening.

The story goes as follows:

“So once I got to the desert Corps camp, I was shown into the camp manager’s office. He had me sit down and proceeded to go over all of the rules, timelines, jobs, personnel, etc. When he was done he showed me to my bunk house. I got my stuff situated and joined up with the rest of the workers and started on my journey to help those in need. After a few weeks, I noticed (out of nothing more than my manly urges) that there were no women at the camp. I brought it up to one of my co-workers who said that due to the local customs, women were not allowed to work here and that I should go talk about it with the camp manager. I was a bit embarrassed so I did nothing about it at the time. After a few more weeks, the urges were getting pretty bad and the sleeping quarters and showers were not conducive for pleasuring my self. I decided to bite the bullet and go talk to the camp manager about it.

I went into the office and told the camp manager that I’d been there for more than 6 weeks and was wondering if there were any women that were around…I was getting pretty frustrated and kind of wanted some release. The manager looked at me and said, “Well…around the back of the office…there is a camel…” I cut him off there and said, “Thanks but I’ll be ok.” And I bolted from the office.

It was about a month later when I went back to the office, basically clutching my groin…as if I were going to explode. I told the manager, again, about my situation and he once again said, “OK, there is a camel in the barn behind this building and that is what most of the guys here use…” I cut him off again and ran from the office…thinking about how nasty that would be…especially after all off these other guys…fuck that!

Now I had been there for 3 and a half months…I ran into the manager’s office, with duress on my face. I sternly asked about that camel. He pointed out the back window to the barn. I ran out the door and around to the barn. After grabbing a stool from the side of the barn and placing it behind the tied up camel, I jumped up on the stool, ripped my pants down, lifted the camel’s tail and ….OH MY GOD! I have to say that it did not take me long at all. It did not even really click that it was a camel until after…and at that point…I didn’t care.

I ran back into the manager’s office, with a huge grin on my face and said, “That was great!...Can I do that whenever I want?” The manager looked at me with the strangest eyes that I’d ever seen and said, “what the hell are you talking about? What happened?” I told him that I grabbed a stool from the side of the barn and placed it behind the tied up camel, I jumped up on the stool, ripped my pants down, lifted the camel’s tail and …you know. The manager, let his head fall into his hands and then, after a few seconds, looked up at me with a shitty grin and said to me, “Holy shit boy! Most of the guys get the camel and ride it into the town about 20 miles east of here!”

That was my last day at that camp…I insisted on being transferred to a completely different region where I finished out my 6 months...from that point on…I decided to wait til I got back to the states to get laid.”

I have to say that I really hope that this story was not true…I never brought it up with him again, but these days I’m thinking that he’s not as smart as I used to think he was.

BIRTHDAY PARTIES and GUY FRIENDS

So, on Saturday, I was invited to go to my oldest son’s 7th birthday party (hosted by my ex wife.) The party was at UltraZone – a laser tag place with an arcade that was filled with about 50 very determined and pushy kids (not mine…or the kids in his party)…it was the other kids there that felt it necessary to step on my toes and push there way past me to get to that video game that apparently won’t be there if they don’t get to in 2 seconds.

Anyway, It was great to be at the party with my son. He seemed to really be happy that I was there. ( I will post about my sons and the party at another time) As I did not know many of the other adults there as they were my ex wife’s friends and the parents of my son’s friends…but there were a few people there that I had not seen or talked to since my ex and I split up. For me, it was great to see two of them; Jim and Eric. Now Jim, I had known since 1992 when we both lived in Boston. Then after we both lived out here in Southern California, we worked together, lived together and started a business together. Jim was the best man in my wedding and was both a fishing partner and a trusted friend. As for Eric, I became friends with him in 1995 when he married a friend of my ex wife. He was also from the East Coast and a big sports fan. I really liked to hang out with him.

Now that I feel that I have thoroughly gotten off track, I’ll get back to my point.

It was really great to see these guys. I had missed their friendships over the past 3 years and have recently been rather sad about my lack of guy friends. There is one other guy that was, along with Jim, one of my best friends since moving to CA…RM. We were pretty tight and he also lived with me when he and his fiancé broke up. We would sit up nights, talking about EVERYTHING. RM knew me inside and out and I felt a very special bond with him. It was he, Jim and I that were …like brothers – for about 6 years. We fished, golfed, and talked about life and all the other shit that guys talk about. RM began his acting career and started getting big roles and sort of drifted into a new crowd. It was sad, but I guess I can understand that.

At the party Jim, Eric and I were only able to talk a little, being that we were all there to focus on my son along with keeping an eye on the other 20 kids in his birthday party. When I got home, after the party, I told Insane Mama about Jim and Eric and that I hoped that I’d be able to re-form friendships with them.

I have sent emails to both Jim and Eric and I hope that I get some sort of response. I know that after my ex and I split up, they all remained friends and I actually don’t know what was said to them or what they think of me at this point…I feel a sort of stupid anxiety….kind of like after the first day at a new school. Wondering if any of the new people you met would like you and talk to you the next day.

I know that this post is kind of random and not put together well, but I just had to get this stuff out of my head.

PHEW…….I feel better now