the good old days

Scary but good…how far we’ve come since “the good old days.”

Back then they were the good old days, now…as an adult looking back…how the fuck am I not completely fucked up and locked away somewhere?

My parents got divorce when I was in first grade and we (the kids) spent the school year with our mom and the summers with our father. I remember loving the summer. When asked what my fondest and happiest childhood memory is…it is from one of those summers. NOW, my emotions are very conflicted. Within the same summer…I had my fondest as well as my most devastating childhood experiences.

We were living at the house overlooking the ocean in Maine. I look back and can see how I would have loved it as a kid…but now, as an adult…who the fuck were these people?

It was my step-grandmother’s house and my sister and I lived there with my father, step-mother, her brother and sister and their mother. WTF right there.

I would go out to my uncle’s (the detached guest house) and hang with him for a few hours. Not only would he let me rummage through his endless stacks of Playboys, but he also taught me how to smoke marijuana. I thought I was the coolest kid on the block. Porn, weed, hanging with a guy 15 years older than me…Life was good.

Now looking back on that…a 12 year old boy sitting around smoking pot and looking at porno mags with a 30 year old guy…not so good. Kind of creepy and …shit just not right.

Also that infamous summer…I, on more than one occasion, proceeded to go into my aunt’s (my step-mother’s sister) room when she was in the bath tub. This family was very open, free-loving and…not shy.

She told me that it was ok to come in, which I did. She started by asking what I wanted her for. I was at a loss – especially after watching her soapy boobs bobbing around in the water. I tried to act like I was unaffected but I think that my inability to avert my eyes from the first set of real boobs. My aunt humorously assured me that naked bodies are normal, natural and nothing to be ashamed of and it was ok to look. I have to say that although I felt a bit weird…I took her up on the offer – I was a 12 year old boy you know.

After the second ‘bath conversation’ (yes…there were …a few) I was becoming more comfortable just sitting and talking to her and less and less just staring at her boobs. At one point during one of our chats, she asked me to rub soap on her back. I obliged, without even thinking about it. It was not until my increasingly confused mind started wondering what would happen if I touched the sides of her boos while I was rubbing soap on her back….what the fuck is wrong with me? That is my aunt! Wait a minute…What the fuck is wrong with her?!

Anyway…I think you get the gist of what I am saying and how a 12 year old boy could have seen these times as the times of his life. But, at the same time…How fucked was all of that? If anything like that happened these days…everyone would be locked up and under psychiatric care.

Pervy Mc P

Insane Mama's 16 year old, Amanda, has been working at the local coffee shop for the whole summer this year. It has been great…as we now get a nice discount when we go in for our “pick-me-ups.” Now, having her working a real job and all of the responsibilities that come along with it have been a good thing for her this summer.

She has made some good friends (co-workers) and has been able to keep out of trouble (as much as a teenager can.) We actually find it quite soothing to the mind when we know that she is at work. We know where she is and that she can’t do any of those “dumb teenager things” that she and her friends tend to do sometimes.

So, the shop that she works at is one that I frequent and that I’ve spent a day or two (….well, maybe more) sitting out on the patio sipping coffee while working on my laptop. I know some of the regulars and have had many opportunities to sit there and people watch; witnessing first dates, hook ups, arguments, people with horrendous eating habits…and pervs scouring the patio for unsuspecting women sitting alone.

To get to my point,

About two weeks ago, Amanda came and told Insane Mama and I that this guy came in and was hitting on her and that he gave her his phone number. She is a very cute girl so I really did not think twice about it….until she said that he was in his 50’s. SHE IS 16!!!!!

I told her to give me the number and that I was going to call him and pee on him…right through the phone! (I actually said that I was going to insist that he not speak to her anymore.) She said that she’d like to handle it and that she would let her boss know. We agreed to let her take care of it, as that was the responsible thing to do.

She said that her boss told him not to talk to her while she was at work. And over the past two weeks the guy had been in but had not said much to her. I can imagine what kind of looks he shot at her, over his steamy coffee.

Yesterday, I was driving Amanda to a friend’s house across town and she proceeded to tell me that “the guy” came in again and that on her break he followed her out to her car and …

Guy – hey, so you are off now…I can talk to you since you are not working…right?
Amanda – I am just moving my car…I am still working …and I have to go inside
Guy – you still have my number don’t you?
Amanda – ….uh….yeah, sure
Guy – you should call me sometime…we can hang out
Amanda – I think that I am WAY too young for you…I’m only 16
Guy – I’m not talking about marriage here…just going out and having some fun, movies, eating out…you know
Amanda – I have to go now
Guy – when do you get off?
Amanda – I really have to go now
Guy – OK, well…call me
Amanda – ….yeah…sure
Guy – when are you working next?
Amanda – I don’t know…but I have to go.

The whole time Amanda was telling me this my blood was heating and all I could do was say things like, “Your kidding? He said that? He’s sick”, etc. I was battling vsions of me cracking this guy's head open and pissing onto his bleeding corpse. I asked her for more detail about what he looked like, since I either knew or recognized many of the regulars there….she explained what he looked like…but I got nothing.

I asked he when she was working next and she said, "Tuesday." I let her know that I would be there all day on Tuesday and that I needed to have a talk with Pervy McPediphile. She nodded and said, “OK…cool.”

Now, I have discussed my plans with Insane Mama and she is all for it. The issue now is…what to do with this guy.

Do I…
Walk right up to him, point at Amanda, ask him if he knows her…upon his response…punch his lights out…while explaining to him that his behavior will not be tolerated.
Get in his face, scream and yell threats on his life
Look him square in the eyes and say that if I ever hear of him ever speaking to her (even to order coffee) again…that he would be in for it. (all of that with the most serious tone and with the “serious” eyes)
Have the manager (who I know) there with me to inform him that he is no longer welcome at the shop
Wait til he leaves and follow him home…maybe kick his ass there.
….there are so many options.

I don’t need to get into any trouble…but she is Insane Mama’s little 16 year old
I don’t want to set a bad example for her as how to handle a bad situation
I don’t want this guy to think he will be tolerated
I don’t want a murder charge

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! I only have until Tuesday morning to figure out what to do.