OCD Sucks

Due to some technical difficulties…or my ever-present OCD…I had to erase all of the timers for shows set to record on our satellite system. There were some conflicts and things just weren’t working right (as smooth as I’d like them to be.)

As to not forget any shows…and again letting some OCD seep out, I first made a list (I love lists) of everything that we, as a household, wanted recorded on a regular basis.

35 freakin shows!
And 25 of them are shows primarily for Mariah and I.

What the hell are we thinking? How are we supposed to watch 25 hours of TV a week?

That made me think about it in relation to other things in my weekly schedule…fine…It was an excuse for me to make another list.

Here is what I cam up with…In order:
Sleep – 56 Hours
TV – 25
HoursWriting / computer / work – 25 Hours
Homework help – 10 Hours
Laundry/cooking/household chores – 8 Hours
Carpools – 8 Hours
Sex – 6 Hours
Volunteering at the school – 4.5 Hours
Shopping – 3 Hours

A TOTAL OF 145.5 HOURS!

Being that there are only 168 hours in the week…I have about 22.5 hours unaccounted for. (I know I do other things so I will not stress about ‘losing time’ or anything.)

Now, looking at this list…I know that I need to move SEX MUCH HIGHER in the list, additionally, I am spending roughly 47% of the hours in the week sleeping and watching TV…WTF!? Like I don’t have better things to do.

Parents are F'ing Up Their Kids

When I think back to my childhood and what TV shows I watched. I find it funny how different things are today…with the ratings, parental controls and people lobbying against shit that really would not make a difference if kids had better parenting.

Overall…I think it is all about the parenting…not what kids see or watch on TV.

When I was a kid, I watched:
Cartoons including; Underdog, The Shmoos, Scooby Doo, The Flinstones, Bugs Bunny Road Runner Hour and Sylvester and Tweety
As well as; the A-Team, Land of the Lost, Eight is Enough, Hawaii Five-O, Hardcastle and McCormick, Beretta, CHIPS, Dukes of Hazard, Planet of the Apes, Starsky and Hutch, etc.

These days…I don’t know that parents (in general) would allow young kids to watch those shows….well, with the exception of Eight is Enough and a few of the cartoons. I saw something years ago that named the Bugs Bunny Road Runner Hour and Sylvester and Tweety two of the most violent shows on TV. WTF?!

I guess I just don’t know why parents are not taking responsibility for their kids…and are just throwing the blame for their fucked up kids on TV and the entertainment industry. My feeling is that a kid (for the most part) can watch whatever …as long as the parents do their job teaching the child right and wrong, respect, and that they can talk with them about anything…the kid will be fine.

We don’t (again…for the most part) sensor anything that the kids watch and if they are watching something that is disturbing to them or that they don’t understand…we are there to openly discuss it with them.

I think that it is the kids that can’t (for whatever reason) talk to their parents and are left home in front of a TV with nobody teaching them about life…or the kids who's parents are so over protective that they can't do shit without mommy hovering and making all of the decisions...those are the ones who end up with the big problems.

PARENTS!!!!!! Schools don’t teach kids respect, honor, right and wrong and morals. They don’t reinforce the ‘family first’ mentality that I think all people should be taught. They don’t teach about peer pressure, gangs, the laws, how to communicate with parents.
THAT IS YOUR JOB!!!!

Stop blaming everyone else for your inability to spend quality time with your kids, communicate with them and teach them what they need to know to have a good life.

I propose we put a ban on sheltering children and fine parents who blame others for their kids fucking up or being complete sissies!

Legal Drug Dealers

It kills me, when Mariah and I are sitting with our drinks and watching our TV shows at night. Well…THAT in itself is great…the part that kills me is when the commercials come on. I am not talking about the HoverRound or the Sham Wow…I am talking about those medicine commercials.

We watch and listen as the narrator walks us through the symptoms and then on to how this great new medicine will bring peace and harmony to the sufferer…and their loved ones.

The ones that really ‘get my goat’ (that was just said for Mariah’s benefit) are the ones for allergies and insomnia….which in my mind are not the most severe illnesses in the world. Yeah, fine, if you can’t sleep or sneeze when you go outside…it must SUCK…but you really need to listen to the end of the commercials, when they start talking faster and announce all of the possible side effects. Read the following two lists of side effects and tell me if you’d rather sneeze a bit …or have trouble sleeping rather than potentially suffer from the side effects.

Allergy medication:
side effects
skin rash, bruising, severe tingling, numbness, pain, muscle weakness;
mood or behavior changes, anxiety, depression, or thoughts about suicide or hurting yourself; tremors or shaking; severe sinus pain, swelling, or irritation; or worsening asthma symptoms.
Less serious Singulair side effects may include:
headache; stomach pain, heartburn, upset stomach, nausea, diarrhea; tooth pain; tired feeling; fever, stuffy nose, sore throat, cough, hoarseness; or mild rash. (Isn’t this the symptoms of allergies?)


Insomnia medication:
side effects:
Constipation; diarrhea; dizziness; drowsiness; dry mouth, nose, or throat; excitability; headache; loss of appetite; nausea; nervousness or anxiety; trouble sleeping (Hello? A medicine for insomnia); upset stomach; vomiting; weakness.

Severe allergic reactions (rash; hives; difficulty breathing; tightness in the chest; swelling of the mouth, face, lips, or tongue); dark urine or pale stools; difficulty urinating or inability to urinate; fast or irregular heartbeat; hallucinations; seizures; severe dizziness, lightheadedness, or headache; stomach pain; tremor; trouble sleeping; unusual fatigue; vision changes; yellowing of the skin or eyes.

To me…any of the possible side effects listed would be worse than the original symptoms.

It is like these drug companies know that we are all suckers and that we will take anything to relieve long-standing symptoms…then the fuck us again by making us take something else to counteract the side effects…and so on and so on.

Can’t we just go back to when we cured our ailments with what Mother Earth put here for us? Snake bile, peyote, smoke from a burning termite nest, leaches, etc.

I give up!!!!

Cover their eyes and plug their ears!!!!!!!

Not that I am stating anything ‘for the record’ about my state of mental health with this post…but I need to throw something out there.

I have been to a therapist…or …maybe a dozen, and I have heard somewhere along the way that the music and TV shows that we gravitated towards as kids …says something about who we are as people.

THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!

Yes, I grew up in a large family and typically had to fight for the radio or TV. Thinking back, I pinpointed that music and shows that I’d listen to and watch when I was alone.

During the 70s my favorite song was Take Me Home Country Roads by John Denver. May favorite cartoon was Underdog…and I was an A-Team addict.

Mixing those 3 things…does not paint a pretty picture to me. Kind of like a gay dog in a cowboy hat riding around in a custom child molester van…blowing things up.

Over the years, I have had conversations with friends about what their favorite cartoons and shows from the 70s were … and I always took pride in my picks.

Drop the gay part...but I will say that I would have no problem doning a fancy cowboy hat, driving around in a customized van...just blowing shit up all the time. Coincidence?????

I am not sure anymore…and if asked…I will plead the fifth!!!!

What picture do your past favorites paint?

**Shit...what do your kids watch and listen to? Should we all be scared?

my imaginary life

30 years ago, I knew my destiny. Well… I guess that no 10 year old boy…in the 70s…really knew how his life would pan out.

10 year old TentCamper was (besides all of the shenanigans and altercations at school) quite a happy, fun and outgoing kid. In my neighborhood, I had some very good friends and we (and my 2 brothers and 3 sisters) spent every daylight hour playing games in the woods and out in the neighboring fields.

Besides the normal…get on your BMX bike (or in my case, the yellow Schwin with the big yellow banana seat) and ride over the unstable, plywood, unrealistically angled, ramp secured only by the pile of cut firewood strewn beneath it. Or the use the whole neighborhood for a game of capture the flag…we had our favorite - Vietnam


Vietnam (the rural New Hampshire game) had several differing versions. It really depended on our mood and who was playing. We had the POW version…(the sisters were involved there), where we would capture them, drag them out into the woods, tie them to trees or make cages out of tree branches and twine. The girls really did not like this version too much. Then there was the sniper version, during which we would split into two teams…the snipers and the ‘enemies’. The enemies would be sent to the field across the street and would have to wait 5 minutes to let the snipers get into position in the woods. Please note that the snipers all carried Rural NH versions of M-16s …I think they were called Daisy Pump-Action Pellet Guns. Then the ‘enemies would have to make it through the woods…any way they could…to the clearing on the other side. We also had Booby-Trap Vietnam. You can imagine what this game involved. Watching movies like Rambo, Hamburger Hill, Apocalypse Now, Force 10, etc…we were good. I hated being one of the enemies during this version…kids got HURT. We once, completely by accident, caught my little sister in a snare that hoisted her into the air . she was dangling by one foot about 4 feet in the air for about 2 hours. I got the “wooden Spoon” for that one…My mom did not believe in “The Belt.”

Anyway…I was GOOD! Rarely got snare, never got captured as a POW (mini TentCamper could run like the wind) and only had to have lead pellets removed by mom – and a pair of tweezers on a few occasions. I was convinced that I was going to be in the military. I would have made an exceptional sniper, spy, trap setter, demolition expert (ask my mom about our TV) and I could spot the enemy “miles” away. My cat-like, stealthy, movements and reflexes would make Jason Bourne, Rambo and Jack Bauer collectively cry out of jealousy.

My mother did not allow me to join the Army…she said that the Army would not allow a boy my age…but she would still use it as a threat when we were bad (which for me I’d smile at.) She said that when I turned 18…I could if I still wanted. That was the plan…skate through school til I was 18 and then get on a copter to wherever our military needed me.

After all was said and done…it never happened. By the time I was 18…I was on…”a different” track. Leading to places more like the ‘grey bar motel.’ Every time I started thinking about it…and wanting to join…something would happen in my life that would prohibit my enlisting.

I still think about it to date. Last year I called and emailed our local Marine and Army Recruiters and Reserves to let them know of my dreams…I could hear the chuckle (even through email) when they replied that a 40 year old guy with no training…other than the self taught, rural New Hampshire business…was probably not going to make the cut.

So these days, I would like to give a big shout out to, Jack Bauer, Jason Bourne, Ethan Hawke, Michael Schofield and all of the members of The Unit for bringing my imaginary life to the forefront of my head. I am living my dreams through you!!!!

Snapshot of a Typical Night

Typical night…Insane Mama and I have lunches made, kids tucked, lights off and doors locked…Time to head upstairs to watch some TV and enjoy a “wind down drink.”

So this night…I thought that we’d watch one of the movies that I had recorded (since all of the GOOD SHOWS are on breaks.)

Anyways, the movie that I turned on was Species.
Now I thought that she would like this movie because she loves Forrest Whittaker…and little miss Natasha is ..kind of hot.

So we get into the movie a bit…chatting along the way

I will pause here for a second to explain a bit. I LOVE movies and like to jab at IM about movie and actor facts because I know that she is basically brain dead when it comes to knowing who is who and what they’ve been in. The following is a perfect example.

So as Forrest enters the screen
IM – “oh…I love him!”
(this is where it starts) I pause the TV
ME – “who is that?”
IM – “uummm…you know…what is his name? oh yeah…Denzel Washington!” (all proud of herself)
ME – “WHAT?! That is no where near Denzel!”
IM – “I mean Samuel Jackson.”
ME – “Are you kidding me? I thought you loved this guy?”
IM – I do! He’s cute! In a Chandler (from Friends) kind of way.”
ME – “WHAT?! First of all, he looks nothing like Chandler….and ….you think Chandler is cute?”
IM – “Um..No, well I do think he is cute…his character is. Not HOT…but a cute character.”
ME – “OK..even so…they look nothing alike and …act nothing alike. How are they the same?”
IM – “Wait …I know…That is My MAN!!!!!!....Morgan Freeman!”
ME – “Oh for F%#@ sake! NO! It is Forrest Whittaker!”
IM – “Yeah…that’s what I meant. I love him!”
ME – “Oh Yeah? … What else has he been in?”
IM – “I know that! He was in The Green Mile.”
ME – “NO.”
IM – “Yes he was.”
ME – “That was Michael Clark Duncan. NOT Forrest Whittaker….dumb ass”
IM – “Oh is that the same guy from that football movie with Tom Cruise?”
ME – “You mean Jerry Maguire?...NO, that is Cuba Gooding Jr.”
IM – “Oh…Whatever…can we just watch the freakin show?”
ME – “Sure…right after you tell me who that black guy that you think is so HOT is.”
IM – “It is the guy from House!...wait…no…ER…or Criminal Minds….Yeah! Criminal minds.”
ME – So you like him better than …Chandler?”
IM – “WAY BETTER. The Criminal Minds guy is HOT, HOT HOT!!!!”
ME – “And yet he looks nothing like me.. (with a sad face)
IM – “Yes he does.”
ME – “How? He is 6’2”, 220 pounds of muscle. I am 5’ 10”, 175 pounds of beer belly.”
IM – “Well….I love your belly and I love you…so SHUT THE HELL UP AND PUSH PLAY!”

I think this is why we never get to watch a full movie at night. OH…The joys of our “alone time.”

Poker

So, with the lack of quality programming on TV these days, Mama and I have been spending quite a bit of time …out on the Bering Sea…with…The Deadliest Catch. Now that is some quality “filler TV!”

Anyway, we watched the 20 hours that we had recorded and had nothing to watch last night. As I was scrolling around, I came across the World Poker Tour. I love poker and Mama knows and appreciates that. I left it on and said that something was on Bravo in about 15 minutes. After the first 5 minutes of…”what just happened? Who’s winning? Why did he win? And They really win that much?” Mama looked over at me and said, “Holy crap…this is intense! I can hardly breathe.” I burst out in laughter, nodding, as I showed her the palms of my sweaty, balled up hands. Long story short, we watched the remaining 3 hours of the tournament…during which I was told to shut up so that she could hear and was instructed to rewind several times … “Just do it! I missed what just happened.”

So, this morning I decided to register and play in my first online Hold Em tournament. I have to say that I am quite proud of myself. Out of the 1,181 people in the tournament….I came in 11th. Yeah for me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sunday Garbage

First of all… I want to say sorry for being a bit slow on posting, since last week.
My head has been …a bit scrambled with everything that is going on.

I think that I may have enough of an opening to actually get a few posts done tonight…so keep coming. If none of this makes sense … either try to piece it together…or just picture me saying, “Just Kidding!!!!”

First of all, I’d like to say…”Have you ever been really irritated with one thing…not even a big thing…actually, very irrelevant…but that irritation spreads to everything in your world?”
That is me right now. I could get a coffee at the local shop and if it is not ALL THE WAY FULL I instantly think to myself ( I hope I don’t really say it out loud) “What the hell is wrong with that idiot behind the counter? Trying to jip me out of caffeine that I obviously need. Isn’t it obvious how irritable I am?” I scowl at people for no good reason. I honk my horn at the undeserving people who just can’t seen to get their MINI FREAKING COOPER out of a HUGE parking spot. I literally run (pushing my cart) to get in line in front of that elderly lady who I know is going to drop her 45 THOUSAND coupons on the floor, have the bag boy run the isles doing several price checks and rummage through her purse for the 98 cents in pennies “oh…I need to get rid of these pennies honey…Do you mind?” I went to this end of season party for our 13 year olds soccer team today and decided that I would just hang out by the pool with the kids….far away from the other parents. Every time I saw a parent walking my way I could hear myself yelling (on the inside) “don’t come over here, you with your stupid laugh” or “don’t talk to me. You are annoying as SHIT!”

Now..I don’t want to get a “virtual beating” but I will now admit to you all what started this whole “devil man” thing.

TV!

I love my evening time. After getting the kids tucked in, we sit down in our room with a glass of wine or a Sam Adams and watch a few of our favorite shows. This is OUR TIME. So for the last month or so, we’ve been watching, in disgust, the finales of Prison Break, Lost, 24, Criminal Minds, Without a Trace, ER, The Unit, NCIS, etc. Basically crying on a nightly basis because there is nothing to watch. All I can say is that the “NETWORKS CAN GO STRAIGHT TO ……H E double hockey sticks!!!!!!!!!!!! Are they really spending their time and money on; Wife Swap, Extreme Home Makeover, Real Housewives, Big Brother 206, Army Wives, Next Top Model, The Mole, Bachelorette, Supernanny, America’s Got (Freaking) Talent? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

This is COMPLETE GARBAGE! I feel like throwing the TV straight out of the freaking window (but no man would actually do anything to harm a TV). Why can’t they spread the good shows out to cover the whole year?

Anyway. I just wanted to get something up and let you all know that I am still here.