Who Is He?

The view from afar is a man so complete
His body looks good and his clothes very neat
Moving closer, squinting your eyes
It is now apparent that he is no prize

The attractive façade begins to crumble
You hear his words, a drug induced mumble
The sorrow you feel, like a knife in his heart
Deflating his soul as he falls apart

He trips over everything and tries to get up
Like playing fetch with a crippled pup
The shame he feels is guilt on his mind
He takes another hit…the blind leading the blind

Beaten down at the foot of his queen
He can’t help to think, “Why is everyone so mean?”
The train’s last stop is at a place of healing
The substances gone, he begins to regain feeling

Hurt and sadness about the past
Working through it brings happiness at last

A step parent needs your HELP

I don’t know how many of you have step kids, but I think I have dug myself into quite the hole around here.

I bitch and moan that I want the kids to look at me as a parent / equal to their mother (obviously not counting the ‘I came out of her vagina bond’ thing) But I want them to come to me with problems, to ask permission for things, for a kiss goodnight, etc.

I have not pushed the goodnight kisses, hugs whenever, etc…so now I feel kind of uncomfortable/scared hugging or kissing the girls. Are they going to think that I am being inappropriate? Will they wonder why the big change? Will they start thinking about why I have not been doing it all along?

I love Mariah’s kids as I do my own and would do anything for them. The one thing I fear is doing something that would make one (or all) of them pull away from me.

I just don’t know what to do. Start doing it religiously from now on. Continue the way that I have been and gradually begin to do it more and more. I am at a loss.

Terrets In My Tent

So, all of these years that I am thinking that I am crazy….I figure I can find out right away by posting some shit right here.

I sometimes (a lot) have these random, fragmented thoughts…sometimes just in my head…and sometimes I feel the need to just blurt them out. NO….I do not have turrets.

I can just be sitting around with people or alone and say, “24, 16, 9, 7, 46, 18, turtle, banana, ocean, five times fast.” or something like, "oh, I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener..." while walking around the house.

That is no exaggeration. I mean it does not go on all the time and it is not an every day thing, but regularly enough where Mariah has started finishing those ‘sentences’ for me….How fucked is THAT?

Does anyone else do this? Am I the only one? Do I need professional help?

Cover their eyes and plug their ears!!!!!!!

Not that I am stating anything ‘for the record’ about my state of mental health with this post…but I need to throw something out there.

I have been to a therapist…or …maybe a dozen, and I have heard somewhere along the way that the music and TV shows that we gravitated towards as kids …says something about who we are as people.

THAT SCARES THE SHIT OUT OF ME!!!!

Yes, I grew up in a large family and typically had to fight for the radio or TV. Thinking back, I pinpointed that music and shows that I’d listen to and watch when I was alone.

During the 70s my favorite song was Take Me Home Country Roads by John Denver. May favorite cartoon was Underdog…and I was an A-Team addict.

Mixing those 3 things…does not paint a pretty picture to me. Kind of like a gay dog in a cowboy hat riding around in a custom child molester van…blowing things up.

Over the years, I have had conversations with friends about what their favorite cartoons and shows from the 70s were … and I always took pride in my picks.

Drop the gay part...but I will say that I would have no problem doning a fancy cowboy hat, driving around in a customized van...just blowing shit up all the time. Coincidence?????

I am not sure anymore…and if asked…I will plead the fifth!!!!

What picture do your past favorites paint?

**Shit...what do your kids watch and listen to? Should we all be scared?

Oh My!!!!!!

I must speak with my Therapist !!!!