Super Powers

I have two simple questions for you all today…

If you were invisible for one 24 hour period…what are the top three things you would do?

I chose invisible because out of all ‘super powers’ that is the one that I would most like to have. (FYI…I am secretly honing my skills and practicing to harness the power of invisibility, so if you ever feel a tap on your shoulder and nobody is there…it might just be me.)

If not invisible…what super power would you most like to have?

If I were invisible, I would; secretly walk onto flights so I could visit all of the cities around the world that I yearn to go to, I’d be on the sets of my favorite TV shows…and maybe mess with people there, I’d have to at least do a walk through of the Playboy mansion and lastly I’d see what REALLY goes on in the Oval Office and the ‘Situation Room’.

Pee...for you and me!!!!!!

OK, I am not going to get into any detail about how this conversation got started…or why it lasted so long, but Mariah and I found ourselves talking about pee…and its existent or non-existent health benefits. Although most of you think I am all about the pee…I think it is pretty gross and would only use it in the case of a jelly fish sting.

Anyway, she was telling me that people swear by first morning pee…that they use it to wash their faces, drink it, etc. Just plain foul!!!

I decided to do a bit of research. Here is what I have found.

Urine consists mostly of watern with small amount of urea (a substance that can be harmful if it enters the blood stream) and excreted enzymes, minerals and hormones--which many believe can be beneficial to the body. Urine therapy involves using one's own urine to address a number of illnesses and conditions. In addition to helping maintain general health, urine therapy has been shown to be a beneficial part of skin care.

For best results, allow the urine to dry on your skin as you massage it in….

For larger problem areas or areas that are sore or sensitive to the touch like large acne outbreaks, eczema patches or large scars or blemishes, apply a compress. With a large urine sample, soak a small washcloth or rag in the urine, then lay the rag on the area. Leave it there for up to ten minutes…

…put urine in a clean spray bottle and spray it onto your skin, then let it dry there like a body mist…..

The middle stream of fresh, warm, morning urine is the most potent, and drinking it mixed with freshly squeezed orange juice is probably the fastest way to accomplish this task, although it is best not to mix urine with other foods or drinks or to take it within an hour before or after eating.

Oral drops of fresh urine can be placed directly under the tongue. Urine therapists suggest their patients start with 5 drops of fresh morning urine on the first day, increase to 5 or 10 drops on the second day, and take 10 drops on the morning of the third day and the same amount that evening before going to bed.
Self-urine may be used as eye drops and ear drops, in foot baths and even as effective enemas. Nose drops can help loosen mucus and clear up blocked nasal passages. Gargling with it is helpful for a sore throat, and inhaling it relieves sinus and respiratory congestion. Taken internally, it has a laxative and diuretic effect, as it cleanses the digestive tract.

it also works as an excellent cosmetic for moisturizing and healing skin blemishes, burns and scar tissue. However, for this usage, it is preferable to use urine that is 4 - 8 days old.

Anyway, this is quite disturbing to me. Who the F is gonna sit there, groggily piss into a cup and then rub it on their face, followed by a nice big swig…to get their morning going?!

Absolute shit I say.

Oh, but did you know that eating a pound of carrots can make you see in the dark? And if you masturbate you palms will grow hair? (not sure what happens to women.)

Please be honest and let me know if I am missing the pee boat…cuz you know…pee is what I do.

Do any of you do this? Know anyone who does? Believe in it?

Feet, Baby Birds and Briefs

Per the request of @Sweet_Life at The Sweet Life, this post will be an overview of my thoughts on a few random subjects that she threw out to me. The subjects that I’ve been asked to elaborate on are; Stinky feet. Baby birds learning to fly. Girl Scout cookies. Black socks and sandals. Boxers vs briefs vs boxer briefs.

With my vast knowledge and expertise about pretty much everything, I will try to dumb it up a bit and use laymen’s terms so that you all can follow what I have to say.

Stinky feet – I’ll get straight to the point on this one…I HATE stinky feet! I am an all around kind of anti-foot kind of guy. I don’t like touching feet, don’t like people touching my feet…so a stinky foot, to me is revolting. Shit even writing about it…thinking about some stinky dirty feet is bringing me to the edge of vomiting. NASTY! Don’t get me wrong, I can look at feet (if they are cleaned up and pleasant) but I see no logical reason to touch them.

Baby birds learning to fly – In general, I have no dislike for birds (bats – I HATE) I have always kind of liked birds…excluding; pigeons, crows and vultures. I have, for the most part, been quite intrigued with many birds (Falcons, Eagles, Hummingbirds, Hawks, etc.) I remember as a child, sitting up in our neighborhood trees watching mother birds feed their babies just after hatching. It was even cooler when I got to see mommy nudge them out of the nest for their first ‘attempted’ flight. I was in awe…and yes, I was careful not to get too close or touch the nest. Now we have two birds. I HATE FREAKING BIRDS NOW!!!! They are noisy. They make a mess with their food. There are feathers and bird shit all over the house. As pets, their wings are clipped so that they can’t fly…so they can be poked, prodded, pulled, tweaked, held, squeezed and yes, showered with. I feel bad for these birds…but they have made me not like birds anymore.

Girl Scout cookies – I absolutely love the taste of almost all Girl Scout cookies…BUT…I have come to the conclusion that the whole cookie thing is an illegal scam that will be shut down by the DEA or Homeland Security one day. I am convinced that the cookies have cocaine or some other kind of addicting drug in them…by the frantic nature of how people act as soon as they hear that the cookies are on sale. Beyond that, hordes of 10 to 12 year old girls work the streets, go door to door, standing on street corners to sell their goods. I don’t know what is worse…sending these young girls out onto the streets and teaching them how to swindle people out of money (like national cookie sweat shops) or little girls pushing seemingly drug-laced baked goods in our faces.

Black socks with sandals – Northeastern Europe…AKA German people. I am not a fan of that fashion statement…and really do not understand the point. Maybe they don’t make white socks in Germany…maybe it never gets warm enough to wear sandals on bare feet where they come from. I DON’T GIVE A SHIT! It goes into the same book as the men in Speedos at the beach, ‘big’ girls in spandex and belly shirts, black and Mexican men always wearing t-shirts to swim at the beach and people buying and putting clothing on their pets.

Boxers vs. briefs vs. boxer briefs – This one is simple:
Boxers – teenage boys
Briefs – gay men, body builders, cowboys and men who think that they are ‘all that’.
Boxer briefs – normal men who need a bit of support whilst not jamming one’s nuts up into their pelvis.

Tinkle In My Tent - Birth Mother

I would like to thank you all for all of your support, guidance and comments regarding the issues that I am facing with my birth mother. I am glad that I took the time to read your comments as well as to ponder the situation carefully before making any rash decisions.



This is an email that I just got from her.



WHEW!!!! Just saw my brother Fred off for home. He arrived here the 29th of June! I love having him here but glad to have my space back now...AND my computer.

The trip home was fine; the usual lack of real service that infects most airlines but without any real impact on me or my fellow travellers.

I did get a lovely email from you immediately following your visit. You had very kingd and generous words to share. I THOUGHT I responded but as distracted with work and company as I have been I may be recalling an intention rather than a fact.

I am so impressed with you, and Mariah. Your poise, intellect, humor and honesty. It was a real joy to spend time with you! I hope we can do it again sometime! In the meantime I want very much to stay in touch with you.

From time to time I find myself looking at my hands and recalling cupping your face in them...it brings tears of joy. I marvel that after all this time I was once again able to hold my baby. Thank you for this amazing gift!



Again..thank you all. This is a huge load off. .....Now I do not have to shoot anyone or jump off a bridge or anything stupid. ........My next book will be titled..."How Blogging Saved My Life!"

Tinkle InMy Tent 3

Just like my life… when you pee in the wind, the stream tends to splatter and spray everywhere. There are so many things in my life that I could post about and I don’t really know where to start. I have posted about a small fraction so far and could look at my logs to see what you all really want to hear about…but I don’t know how accurate that would be.

So, I have posted a poll on my sidebar. Please take a look at it and answer so that I can continue spilling my guts pee all over you guys.

I am sure that most of you have noticed that I DO NOT re-read, edit or spend time preparing my posts. I think that it is the most honest (and beneficial for me) to think of a topic, start writing and then clicking that infamous “PUBLISH POST” button. I hope that you do not mind the grammar and spelling errors…and the occasional …confusing post.

Thanks for your eyeballs!!!!

Tinkle In My Tent

I am about to leave to go pick up my boys for our visit today so I will not be doing much in the way of blogging today. I will, though, leave you with one question, that has been bouncing around in my head for a while:

What would happen if; Candid Carrie, Black Hokey Jesus, Flutter, Always Home And Uncool, PreTzel, Buffalodickdy, Kandace, Lula, Literal Dan, Insane Mama and I all lived on the same block?

When I first thought about that I could only imagine complete and utter chaos…mixed in with some very interesting block parties. It would either be some incarnation of that new show Swingtown or …. The locale for the next season of Cops.

Either way, when I think about that it makes me laugh..just wondering what would really happen. Are we all really like we are here? Or are our Blog personalities very different than our lives?

Just another random thing that I ponder.

And The Winner Is....Tinkle In My Tent

Thank you all for helping me with the name.

As a first installment...

So as you can see, my ex is still on my ass. she has been commenting here, has created her own blog just to trash me, has been recording phone conversations between me and my boys, is having them relay messages to me (getting them in the middle of adult issues) and is threatening Insane Mama and I with calling CPS on us. What the F??? It is non-stop.

9 year old is walking around the house using the vacuum as a stroller for her dolls.

13 year old cam home from boy scout camp to announce that bugs LOVE biting him and that he no longer likes hot dogs.

11 year old slept until noon today since her cousin went back to Texas this morning. They had been conducting some LATE nights playing computer games in bed and spending all day - every day at the beach.

16 year old ... well who knows.

Still no word from Birth Mother...

Insane Mama still rocks!!!!

Pee Is Everywhere

Since everyone has their little bloggy things that they do, photo days, random vents, kiddie quotes, yada yada. I thought that it would be a good idea for me to have a little sumpin sumpin too.

You will start seeing a new title on my blog that is just going to be random thought and tid bits of things that I just need to get out of my head. These will all be short little “tinkles” and should NOT be mistaken for a “regular” post.

There is a lot of weird shit that goes through my head everyday and where I live…I tend to see and hear some …out there stuff. The place where you will find these random notes will be…now this took a long time to decide on what to call it (and if anyone has issues with the title..please call customer service.) Finally, I came up with a few possible titles…Please tell me which one you think I should use.

Random Bursts of Urine
Random Bursts of Pee
Tinkle in My Tent
Bladder Leakage
Pee Is Everywhere

Thank you in advance for helping me name this very important addition to my blog.