Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Do adults with children have friends?

I don’t know if I just have this whole adult/parent thing all jumbled up in my head…or if what this post is gong to (hopefully) be about is legitimate.

I’ve had conversations with Mariah before about this but it seems that I never really have my thoughts straight. I am talking about having friends. Do adults with children have friends? Are said parents just friends with whoever their kids’ friends’ parents are?

I don’t know if parents are supposed to have friends, in the same manner that they did before having kids. If they are, do they go out for a drink or to catch a movie with said friends? Or do they just sit and socialize while their respective kids are having ‘play dates?’

I know that as an adult and as a parent, that the mundane things like working, feeding, clothing and caring for your children top the priority list, but I still can’t help feeling friendless. There are a few guys (yes…they are parents of some of our kids’ friends) that I like and love to ‘hang’ with. But with all of our personal and kids’ schedules all it ever seems to be is 15 minutes of shooting the shit while picking up or dropping off a kid. Is that they way it is supposed to be? Am I diluted to think that more is to be expected?

I suppose that it is not that big of a deal right now due to the fact that I do not have the time in the evening…or the money to go grab a few beers and catch a movie with my dad friends…but if I did…is that what people do?

A few months ago I tried to set up a guys’ poker night at my house. I wanted to start with a few guys once a month. After emailing 7 neighborhood dads…I got one that said he could do it…not the makings of a good poker night. I guess I just need to admit defeat and disregard my thoughts of having friends outside of our kids’ world.

No matter how many times I tell the kids, “It is not all about you!” I am the one that is full of shit. It IS all about the kids. I guess I am answering my own original question here and now am starting to understand that whole mid-life-crisis thing. Suck it up, do the kid thing and then once the kids are out of the house and off in the world making their marks…that is when we (parents) begin to reclaim our lives and try to pick up where we left off (before kids.)

Don’t get me wrong…I love the kids and love doing everything that I can to make them happy and loved. This has just been one of those nagging things bouncing around in the back of my skull for a while. …I guess I have rambled enough about this and if it made no sense to you…..whatever…I feel better just getting it out.

You know me….just peeing in the wind!!!!


Soxy Deb said...

Well, when our kids were still young, we didn't do much with adults unless they were also with children.
Now that the kids are moved out, we do more things with other adults. The hubby loves to golf and fish.
What's interesting to me is the one person I hang with the most still has little kids. So I guess I'm not quite ready to be free of kids all the time yet.
Good luck figuring it all out. None of it comes with manuals. Dammit anyway.

T said...

Wow. Honestly, I never thought about it. I still think that we all need to make time without the kids but unfortunately, not everyone will or not everyone's schedules will mesh. Sucks, right?


M said...

Holy hell I could've written that post! Actually, I pretty much did, more than once.

I'm newly single (divorced, divorcee, don't know the terminology yet) and I'm trying to figure out where I belong.

I've been hanging out with his group (who I love) for the past 13 years but I don't know where to go from here.

I mean I have friends, but well, you wrote the post, you know how it goes.

Daddy Geek Boy said...

It's hard to lay all of the groundwork for a new friend. Plus, I'm socially awkward, so there's that.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Yup, it is all about the kids, but if you work REALLY hard, you can find somewhat of a balance. After 8 years, my husband and I have finally reconnected with some friends and manage to squeeze in some kid-free hang-outs with them from time to time. He goes to poker night or to watch the game and drink beers with his buddies a couple times a month. I have play dates with my girlfriends (with the kids of course) and have a mom's night out maybe once a month if I am lucky. We try to do it more than that, but it's difficult to arrange our schedules. And then occasionally we make plans with another couple to hang out on a Friday or Saturday that we can both get baby sitters. It's not a lot, but it's better than nothing, and it helps keep that friendless, lonely feeling at bay.

BeautifulWreck said...

I have always maintained friendships and continue to even make new friends while having children (We have 5). It was easier to go out and socialize when we just had one child and many of the other friends had no children. Now our friends are either parents like us, gay with no kids but spoil our kids, or people with no kids at all.

If I dont get some escape time from the kids, I would be crazy!

SweetPeaSurry said...

You know ... my folks had a pair of really good friends that they are STILL best friends with 40 some odd years later. They happened to have kids around the same age, (we were all very small or still unborn when they met these folks) In anycase, I think it's just a matter of finding things in common outside of the kids. I might suggest another 'game' night ... inviting Hubbies and Wives, you might get better reception out of that ... I mean ... who's going to send their hubby off to 'poker' night and let herself stay home eh?

Mom Taxi Julie said...

I could have wrote this myself. It's so hard to have friend and keep them at this stage of our lives. The few friends I do have quickly annoy me and I wonder if I should even bother dealing with their shit lol. I mean really? I'm not getting any younger. I've just about given up on the whole friends thing. The best friends I have live in my little box here on my desk.

Kelly(Mom of 6) said...

Good post. Adults with children have very few friends...and most of those are online. That's what makes empty nest so hard.

Anonymous said...

This post really resonated with me. My kids are getting older, so I often find myself with evenings just . . . wishing there was someone to hang with. I went back to school a few years ago, and have made many fine friends there, friends I can chat with in class and bounce ideas off of. But it's not the same as having someone to just "do shit" with.

Now I'm depressed . . .

I found your blog on DadBlogs, and I'm glad I stopped by. I'll be back . . .


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