Blogging Bullshit!

Ok peeps!

I want to start by saying that I do not want to offend anyone…That is not my intention at all with this post. Maybe I just need to understand a few things at a more in-depth level...while I am on vacation

If any of you can clear some of this up for me…PLEASE use the comments to do so.

Is it me…or are these random awards that are going around a stupid waste of time? OK, I’ve received a few and I appreciate the gestures…I really do…but I really think that if you like a blog…put it on your blogroll, or post something about why you like them on your blog.

As for TAG…oh…for the love of Pete! Come on! I totally don’t get it

Guest Bloggers…This kind of ticks me off…I mean, I go to your blogs to read YOU…not some other person…that if I liked said person...I would go to their blog. If your are going away…post something saying so and that you will fill everyone in when you get back.

With regard to most of the blogs that I read…I like to read you because you are (seemingly) honest and talk about your life in an interesting way. When you claim to use your blog to vent and “journal” yet you fill your blog, on a daily basis with photos or links to other bloggers…I just don’t get it. If you have nothing to vent or journal about…shit…make something up or post something from your past. To me…that would be better than clicking over to find Makeover Monday, Time Out Tuesday, Wordless Wednesday, Thoughtless Thursday, Photo Friday, etc. (Not that I don't like these... I guess I would rather just HEAR from YOU)

I do get that people want traffic and I understand that not everyone has something that they feel is important to say every day…I sure as hell don’t, but I LIKE YOU ALL and want to hear about you and your life, no matter how small.

I think that most of you would agree with me that even if we did not all post everyday, that if they were honest posts about our lives…the readers would be there.

As you can see from your stats and/or my comments…I visit you all every day. I will continue doing so as long as I’m able to read the impressive postings that I have found on all of your blogs.

Now…I am not trying to kill MY traffic or offend anyone, but I just don’t get it sometimes. Please help me understand. SCHOOL ME !!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tinkle In My Tent

I don’t have much time to write this morning as I have to get 4 kids off to the airport and then get on the road to go camping with Insane Mama.

We will be camping in the Sequoia National Forest for the nest 5 or 6 days and I, being a kind of spur of the moment kind of guy, do not have anything written to schedule for while I am away. That being said…you will not see any new posts from me…other than the one that I will put up shortly.

Please keep your eye on the news for anything on bear attacks, gunmen on the loose, forest fires or any other random violent happenings in the Sequoia National Forest.

We will return (I hope) with lots of pictures and material to post for your enjoyment, next week.

A Fork In The Eye

This post will be another fine example of TentCamper’s ability to pee into the wind…or at least an example of my inane ability to attract bad luck. Now this ability is not something that I was born with, it is a skill that was honed. Proof that there is a warrior within this big-bladdered tenter.

Since I started blogging, I’ve not only had a continuous string of comments and the ever-present Insane Mama sticking forks in my eyes about my horrendous spelling and grammar mistakes on both my posts and the comments that I leave for others. For the most part I shrug and don’t really care if someone thinks my spelling sucks, but it is when I write something and it is SO wrong that people don’t have any clue what I am trying to say. Well…that and the constant twists of that fork in my eye are getting quite irritating.

Now, I have never professed to be good at spelling…or grammar for that matter, but within the walls of this post I will offer you the reasoning behind these child-like errors.

At first I thought that it was just me and my making stupid, careless errors…and not re-reading my posts before hitting that infamous Publish button, but then I noticed that certain keys on my keyboard just did not work right. Since you all know Insane Mama, I’m sure that you believe that when I would cuss and flip off my keyboard, she would roll her eyes and say, “yeah…ok…it’s your keyboard.” And then whisper something derogatory about me and my typing skills under her breath. Her love never ceases to amaze me.

Anyway, my cheap ass finally got fed up and ventured off to Best Buy for a new keyboard. First of all I did not expect there to be like 5 million different keyboards to choose from…and also did not expect that some of them exceeded $100 freakin bucks. After milling around the computer area for about 15 minutes, looking for the best, basic keyboard, I turned to the sales guy and said, “can you just get me a basic keyboard? And I won’t spend more than $30 on it.” The guy gave me a “Cheap Ass” look and in about a minute was back in front of me with a keyboard that looked pretty sweet to me. It had some sort of extra buttons on the sides for quick access to things like internet, email, volume, etc. I grabbed the box from the guy and headed to the check out area.

After getting home, I bee lined it to my computer, whipped out the keyboard and plugged her in. I was ready for the test drive!!!!

I opened Word and typed and typed…seemingly for hours (I think it was closer to 5 minutes though.) HOLY SHIT….NO mistakes!!!!! I was thoroughly impressed with my purchase and had a sort of scholarly feel come over me…I even sat up straight in my chair as I opened Blogger and started drafting my first post with my new baby.

I got done writing the post and decided to copy and paste it over to Word…just to check on how things went. As I pasted into Word….WORD FLIPPED ME OFF!!! There was a big middle finger on the screen and below it there were words that read, “You fucking stupid ass. Learn how to type. I can’t even figure out what you are trying to say in the document.”

My face dropped. I had no idea what had happened. A minute ago everything was fine…now it seems that I am in worse shape than before. I started a new Word document and slowly started typing…then I saw it…letters changed and flipped around in the words as I was writing…Auto-Correct was on! No wonder I thought the new keyboard was so great. Shit. What now….Sylvan Learning Institute?

I shrunk back into my worthless, 3rd grade English writing, taking abuse and insults from everyone shell…until…..Insane Mama had to use my computer the other day. She had to write something to print and I am hooked to the printer. When I got home she walked up to me, slugged me in the stomach and yelled, “YOUR KEYBOARD SUCKS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!” Then she hugged me and apologized for the tap in the gut and proceeded to attempt to “take back” all of the nasty things that she had said about my writing. Finally removing that freaking fork from my eye.

Now what? FUCK keyboards!
I need voice recognition dictation software….I’ll go ultra high tech!!!!!

Pervy Mc P

Insane Mama's 16 year old, Amanda, has been working at the local coffee shop for the whole summer this year. It has been great…as we now get a nice discount when we go in for our “pick-me-ups.” Now, having her working a real job and all of the responsibilities that come along with it have been a good thing for her this summer.

She has made some good friends (co-workers) and has been able to keep out of trouble (as much as a teenager can.) We actually find it quite soothing to the mind when we know that she is at work. We know where she is and that she can’t do any of those “dumb teenager things” that she and her friends tend to do sometimes.

So, the shop that she works at is one that I frequent and that I’ve spent a day or two (….well, maybe more) sitting out on the patio sipping coffee while working on my laptop. I know some of the regulars and have had many opportunities to sit there and people watch; witnessing first dates, hook ups, arguments, people with horrendous eating habits…and pervs scouring the patio for unsuspecting women sitting alone.

To get to my point,

About two weeks ago, Amanda came and told Insane Mama and I that this guy came in and was hitting on her and that he gave her his phone number. She is a very cute girl so I really did not think twice about it….until she said that he was in his 50’s. SHE IS 16!!!!!

I told her to give me the number and that I was going to call him and pee on him…right through the phone! (I actually said that I was going to insist that he not speak to her anymore.) She said that she’d like to handle it and that she would let her boss know. We agreed to let her take care of it, as that was the responsible thing to do.

She said that her boss told him not to talk to her while she was at work. And over the past two weeks the guy had been in but had not said much to her. I can imagine what kind of looks he shot at her, over his steamy coffee.

Yesterday, I was driving Amanda to a friend’s house across town and she proceeded to tell me that “the guy” came in again and that on her break he followed her out to her car and …

Guy – hey, so you are off now…I can talk to you since you are not working…right?
Amanda – I am just moving my car…I am still working …and I have to go inside
Guy – you still have my number don’t you?
Amanda – ….uh….yeah, sure
Guy – you should call me sometime…we can hang out
Amanda – I think that I am WAY too young for you…I’m only 16
Guy – I’m not talking about marriage here…just going out and having some fun, movies, eating out…you know
Amanda – I have to go now
Guy – when do you get off?
Amanda – I really have to go now
Guy – OK, well…call me
Amanda – ….yeah…sure
Guy – when are you working next?
Amanda – I don’t know…but I have to go.

The whole time Amanda was telling me this my blood was heating and all I could do was say things like, “Your kidding? He said that? He’s sick”, etc. I was battling vsions of me cracking this guy's head open and pissing onto his bleeding corpse. I asked her for more detail about what he looked like, since I either knew or recognized many of the regulars there….she explained what he looked like…but I got nothing.

I asked he when she was working next and she said, "Tuesday." I let her know that I would be there all day on Tuesday and that I needed to have a talk with Pervy McPediphile. She nodded and said, “OK…cool.”

Now, I have discussed my plans with Insane Mama and she is all for it. The issue now is…what to do with this guy.

Do I…
Walk right up to him, point at Amanda, ask him if he knows her…upon his response…punch his lights out…while explaining to him that his behavior will not be tolerated.
Get in his face, scream and yell threats on his life
Look him square in the eyes and say that if I ever hear of him ever speaking to her (even to order coffee) again…that he would be in for it. (all of that with the most serious tone and with the “serious” eyes)
Have the manager (who I know) there with me to inform him that he is no longer welcome at the shop
Wait til he leaves and follow him home…maybe kick his ass there.
….there are so many options.

I don’t need to get into any trouble…but she is Insane Mama’s little 16 year old
I don’t want to set a bad example for her as how to handle a bad situation
I don’t want this guy to think he will be tolerated
I don’t want a murder charge

PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! I only have until Tuesday morning to figure out what to do.