the mind of a 4 year old

It cracks me up… the things that come out of the mind of a 4 year old. Sometimes I feel like they have such a ‘raw’ sense of things that they teach me a thing or two.

My 4 year old son walked up to me today, looked me in the eyes and said that he wanted to tell me something.

Son: “You know that green Power Ranger that was missing its arm?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Son: “I fixed it this morning…just put his arm back in.”
Me: “Great job…what…are you a doctor?”
Son: “Um…NO but then when I was fixing his arm I broke off his leg. (with a familiar ‘oopsie’ look on his face)”
Me: “Well that stinks.”
Son: “Yeah, I guess it is not bad. I would be bad if I broke off both of his legs cuz then if he wanted to go somewhere he’d have to bounce around on his butt.”
Me: “Yep! It sure is a good thing.” Then I burst out laughing.

And then…..

not more than 5 minutes later he walked up to me and said: “Dad…you know what?” I turned to him as he continued by saying, “You know what I do when I have a fart coming but it does not come out?” I responded with a puzzled look as I tried to hold back a burst of laughter and “What buddy?” He then continued, “I go like this.” (Squatting down and resting his elbows on his knees…with his toosh in firing position.)

Sex is in the air!

Forget all of that …”Spring is in the air” bullshit. From what I’ve been reading lately…”Sex is in the air!” And I feel like I am choking.

I’ve written about sex toys…several times. I fill you in on some of our….’activities’ and have also been the recipient of some ‘product’ from EdenFantasys to review. That review is coming soon.

It seems that everywhere I look…there is another sex toy giveaway. The newest…and most appealing one to me is by the HOT MAMA - Petra at http://thewiseyoungmommy.blogspot.com/, where she is giving away a remote controlled clitoral stimulator.

I love toys and think that they ‘are here on earth for a purpose’….but, I also think that the blogosphere is being inundated with sex toy giveaways. Personally, I’d like to see more people getting the product, using it, and posting about the experience….but that is just me.

Anyway…Change it up folks!!!!

I Am SOOOOOOOOOOO DEAD!!!!!!!!

I am completely freaked the fuck out right now!!! I woke up about 30 minutes ago from a horrifying nightmare. I don’t know where I was but I was being attacked by birds. They kept swooping down and pecking at my head and face. It was all that I could do to swat them away. I was able to catch a few as they came in, and would just twist their heads around until I felt them snap. After taking out a half dozen or so, I saw a huge flock flying in….and that is when I woke up.

But when I did…I found Mariah’s bird Sammy…dead….in a crumpled pile next to me.

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO? Mariah is out back with her grandmother and has been since early this morning….she must have brought the bird up to our room earlier and…. OH SHIT! I don’t know what I am going to say to her when she gets in. SHIT FUCK!!!!!



APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MILF = Hot Boobs or Great Ass?

As with all living things…we as humans have types. By type I mean that thing we say when describing qualities that attract us to one another. Let me rephrase that…”I am an ass man.” I say that because saying “I am a lips man” or “I am an eyes man” sounds kind of …un manly. Those are, in fact, the three physical attributes in a woman that can make me come to attention…so to speak.

*To Mariah: You have incredible eyes and lips and if I go more than a few hours without inappropriately staring at your ass…or giving it a good slap…I get the shakes and go into withdrawals.

OK…back to my pre-disclaimer thought. I think that I’d say I like butts and lips evenly and eyes come in a close second. If you have all three (like my baby) consider yourself special. Don’t get me wrong ladies, I know that what is on the inside is more important and looks only get you so far…yada yada. I am NOT talking about love…nor even wanting to strike up a conversation with anyone. Just that thing that catches your eye at first glimpse. You ladies have it too…buff chest, six pack abs…a large bulge in the pants, etc. You know…that thing that lets us know that we are still alive.

I am not sure, nation-wide…or world wide where I’d fit in the percentages…Are there more ass men than boob men? Speaking of boob men…they are kind of funny. The boob men that I know are like scavengers, in my book. It seems that they look at every set that walks by. Big, small, real, fake, firm and perky, droopy and low…all of them. Maybe some guys become boob men because it is the easiest part of a woman’s body to see. To get a good read on an ass takes the right angle, the right outfit…and even then you sometimes never know.

**another disclaimer – after checking out Google Analytics, it seems that the terms Boobs, Hot boobs and MILF tend to send a lot of traffic my way.

Anyway, with asses it is different, at least for me. I don’t like NOR LOOK AT; XL, inverted, slanty, extra wide, too high or too low butts. I like a butt with some meat…making it a nice ‘round mound of fun’ I’d post a picture of Mariah’s sexy ass for you to all check out but Webster’s has a copyright of the image for their new dictionary.

See what kind of nonsense looking at Analytics can make people write?

Terrets In My Tent

So, all of these years that I am thinking that I am crazy….I figure I can find out right away by posting some shit right here.

I sometimes (a lot) have these random, fragmented thoughts…sometimes just in my head…and sometimes I feel the need to just blurt them out. NO….I do not have turrets.

I can just be sitting around with people or alone and say, “24, 16, 9, 7, 46, 18, turtle, banana, ocean, five times fast.” or something like, "oh, I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener..." while walking around the house.

That is no exaggeration. I mean it does not go on all the time and it is not an every day thing, but regularly enough where Mariah has started finishing those ‘sentences’ for me….How fucked is THAT?

Does anyone else do this? Am I the only one? Do I need professional help?