Insane Mama's 16 year old, Amanda, has been working at the local coffee shop for the whole summer this year. It has been great…as we now get a nice discount when we go in for our “pick-me-ups.” Now, having her working a real job and all of the responsibilities that come along with it have been a good thing for her this summer.
She has made some good friends (co-workers) and has been able to keep out of trouble (as much as a teenager can.) We actually find it quite soothing to the mind when we know that she is at work. We know where she is and that she can’t do any of those “dumb teenager things” that she and her friends tend to do sometimes.
So, the shop that she works at is one that I frequent and that I’ve spent a day or two (….well, maybe more) sitting out on the patio sipping coffee while working on my laptop. I know some of the regulars and have had many opportunities to sit there and people watch; witnessing first dates, hook ups, arguments, people with horrendous eating habits…and pervs scouring the patio for unsuspecting women sitting alone.
To get to my point,
About two weeks ago, Amanda came and told Insane Mama and I that this guy came in and was hitting on her and that he gave her his phone number. She is a very cute girl so I really did not think twice about it….until she said that he was in his 50’s. SHE IS 16!!!!!
I told her to give me the number and that I was going to call him and pee on him…right through the phone! (I actually said that I was going to insist that he not speak to her anymore.) She said that she’d like to handle it and that she would let her boss know. We agreed to let her take care of it, as that was the responsible thing to do.
She said that her boss told him not to talk to her while she was at work. And over the past two weeks the guy had been in but had not said much to her. I can imagine what kind of looks he shot at her, over his steamy coffee.
Yesterday, I was driving Amanda to a friend’s house across town and she proceeded to tell me that “the guy” came in again and that on her break he followed her out to her car and …
Guy – hey, so you are off now…I can talk to you since you are not working…right?
Amanda – I am just moving my car…I am still working …and I have to go inside
Guy – you still have my number don’t you?
Amanda – ….uh….yeah, sure
Guy – you should call me sometime…we can hang out
Amanda – I think that I am WAY too young for you…I’m only 16
Guy – I’m not talking about marriage here…just going out and having some fun, movies, eating out…you know
Amanda – I have to go now
Guy – when do you get off?
Amanda – I really have to go now
Guy – OK, well…call me
Amanda – ….yeah…sure
Guy – when are you working next?
Amanda – I don’t know…but I have to go.
The whole time Amanda was telling me this my blood was heating and all I could do was say things like, “Your kidding? He said that? He’s sick”, etc. I was battling vsions of me cracking this guy's head open and pissing onto his bleeding corpse. I asked her for more detail about what he looked like, since I either knew or recognized many of the regulars there….she explained what he looked like…but I got nothing.
I asked he when she was working next and she said, "Tuesday." I let her know that I would be there all day on Tuesday and that I needed to have a talk with Pervy McPediphile. She nodded and said, “OK…cool.”
Now, I have discussed my plans with Insane Mama and she is all for it. The issue now is…what to do with this guy.
Do I…
Walk right up to him, point at Amanda, ask him if he knows her…upon his response…punch his lights out…while explaining to him that his behavior will not be tolerated.
Get in his face, scream and yell threats on his life
Look him square in the eyes and say that if I ever hear of him ever speaking to her (even to order coffee) again…that he would be in for it. (all of that with the most serious tone and with the “serious” eyes)
Have the manager (who I know) there with me to inform him that he is no longer welcome at the shop
Wait til he leaves and follow him home…maybe kick his ass there.
….there are so many options.
I don’t need to get into any trouble…but she is Insane Mama’s little 16 year old
I don’t want to set a bad example for her as how to handle a bad situation
I don’t want this guy to think he will be tolerated
I don’t want a murder charge
PLEASE HELP ME!!!!!!!!!! I only have until Tuesday morning to figure out what to do.
30 Comments:
Don't put yourself at risk by talking to the jerk.
Do you know his names or can you find it out?
Once you've done that, file for a Civil Harassment Restraining Order.
http://www.courtinfo.ca.gov/selfhelp/protection/civharass.htm
That will mean that the courts will order him not to go near Amanda again. If he does, then she calls the police, tells them that she has a protective order and he will be arrested.
because she is a minor, IM will probably have to apply for the order on behalf of (OBO) Amanda.
His age and the fact that he has been told not to talk to her and then followed her out to her car and continued to pester her, even after she has said she is 16 and he is too old for her, is a bit of a worry.
I used to work in the NV court system, doing protective orders.
I'm more conversant with NV laws in this area, but from CA orders that I've had to deal with, it seems that they are much the same.
From what you have written on here, about the situation, I think that there will be no problem in securing the order.
If Amanda or her bass, do not know his name, then try and get his car licence plate as he can be traced that way.
Good Luck...
Oh ... also, there should be no cost to you, in applying for this order.
If the manager won't bar the guy from the store, call a cop on him- she's underage, and he knows it.
I say kick the shit out of him !!
#1
Remember, in CA that a verbal threat is a felony! Don't ask me how I know!!
I think the classy and most effective thing to do is to go over to this man, inform him you are Amanda's parent (not too much of a lie) and request that he leave her alone as he is making her uncomfortable and you do not like the attention he is giving her. Advise him that it would be in his best interests to find an alternative coffee shop, but it may be wise to talk to the cops because if he is a paedophile, he might just move on to the next young victim.
Remember, keep your cool.
Well it looks like just speaking to him will get you in trouble in CA, as another poster mentioned, so all of my ideas go flying out the door.
I can tell you that I would probably be trying to bail my husband out of jail if our daughter came home telling this story.
i would definitely have words with him - but only words. try not to get physical with him, that will not solve anything. but putting the fear of god (or piss in this case) into him and he will probably stop talking/harassing her
and also i say to heck with the TRO - they are just pieces of paper (IMO)
Listen- Tomorrow morning, we wake up, have kiler sex, and then we head to the coffee shop and we EYE him down. Then calmly tell him to scoot! We willl scare the shit out of him.
Find out where his daughter works and go hit on her. Turn the tables. Then, kick the shit out of him.
I would have the manager with you, since you know him, and inform him that he is no longer allowed to enter the coffee shop at all, and if he does, the police will be called. Then throw your weight around a bit (not physically, just wither him with words) and let him know in no uncertain terms that the consequences will be dire if he approaches this baby girl again.
OK, after I wrote that I said to myself, "Self, she's 16, and he's freaking 50-something." I would forget talking to him at all and just call the police now. Good luck, I hope this ends well and soon.
Get right up in his stupid Pedophile face and tell him that there will be "bad things" happening if he keeps up his shenanagins. Let everyone else in the place hear you as well. You could have the Mngr. with you as well. That might look more official.
Or you could go with karen's idea. That sounds all Legal and stuff.
Dude,
I used to manage a 50's type diner and I only hired really, really hot teenage girls as servers (I know, it was wrong but whatever).
That being the case, I confronted this on numerous occassions. I would always BAN them from the diner....all of them went away quietly for some reason. I suspect they had prior records the freaking perverts.
What should you do? You should tell the manager that he needs to inform the pervert that he is no longer welcome in that establishment....I wouldn't argue with the manager but I would be firm with him/her.
Second, I'd wait and watch the guy. When he left, I'd follow him to his home. After I had his name and address, I'd confront him.
If I were you, I'd take another MAN with me to do this.....the more the merrier. Intimidation works well when it is three or four men.
I'd just tell the guy.....hey, I know who you are, I know where you live. If you mess with this girl again or even show up at her work again then we will be paying you a visit and you will not enjoy it.
You cannot depend on law enforcement to help you. Let the guy know, you'll call the police right after you put him in the hospital.
I don't know that I could handle it particularly well. If some 50 something is hitting on my biological/adopted/whatever daughter, death awaits him.
And I didn't know how I was going to handle my daughter dating other teens...
Wow. I would definitely see what you can do about having him removed from the shop. The scary thing is that is sounds like he's a stalker. Ugh. That's too much!
Then I would have Amanda purchase some pepper spray. Stat.
Good luck! (resisting the urge to tell you to kick the M.F's ass.)
First - Have the manager start putting everything in to detail about this man. When he's there, how long, and if he follows A to her car.
Second - File a police report. Even if they say "Asshole didn't do anything so we can't blah, blah, blah..." they will have record of the call IF he should escalate.
Third - Buy that girl a can of pepper spray so that the next time he follows her she can spray the hell out of him and then have her call 911 on her cell. (Oh, right before she sprays have her yell "STOP! LEAVE ME ALONE!" really loud so that others can see she asked him to leave her alone and he wouldn't so she sprayed him.)
Fourth - Find her a new job ASAP
DO NOT TOUCH HIM! Seriously. Don't even talk to him. Just go there, sit, and if he follows her call 911 and have A do the pepper spray thing so *you* don't get in to trouble.
These bastards are slick and wily and manage to do things just to avoid arrest. Be careful.
Yeah, I am not sure I would talk with him either. See if you can get a cop to show up and have words with him. The guy is harrassing her, and that's not cool. It often leads to more serious interference from creeps like this. Gotta keep that little girl safe.
I say get the cops involved if he shows up and tries to interact with her....but then again, I'm no expert.
Well considering your the pussy that walked away from a 20 yr old that was starting shit with you, Id say you better let Insane Mama handle it, she has more balls than you do.
wow...that hurts!!! down to the bone. NOT
Dear Anonymous,
Why don't you come over for tea and crumpettes tonight, we can play cards, or scrabble... I'll massage your back..It will be SO fun.
Heart ME
NOT!
What is it with you and IM getting all these "anonymous" comments? You guys have someone who must really LURVE you a LOT. Not. :)
Seriously - disable the anonymous comments and REQUIRE them to sign in. It's the only way to flush these chickenshits out.
(BTW, this is preTzel and I'm going to check something so if my name doesn't show up you'll know why.)
Hmmm, interesting. Let me go in to my dashboard and check something and I'll get back to you on this.
K, do this:
Go in to your Dashboard and go to Settings:
Who Can Comment? Anyone - includes Anonymous Users
Registered Users - includes OpenID
Users with Google Accounts
Only members of this blog
Click the bubble next to "Registered Users" and that will remove the option to be "anonymous" at the bottom.
Even signed in I can choose the "anonymous" button and post and my "preTzel" won't show up.
:D Just sayin'. Feel free to ignore.
I say listen to Karen. And definitely know what he looks like. If you can get a full name and google him, better yet. Look for area predator rolls.
Now if it were ME, I'd show up, ID him, follow him all over town, including home, take photos, show up at HIS work, and let him know to stay away from said daughter.
Anonymous, it is "you're" not "your". As in "you are a pussy" and I am talking about you, not TC.
Grab a dictionary, grab a life, and get lost and stop being a wanker on everyone's blog.
From experience (trust me), do not confront him, instruct anyone else to confront him, follow him, or do anything yourself. I know it's hard for a man to sit back.
The correct procedure is to contact the police. If you say anything to him, you make it complicated. They will let you know what you need to do at that initial report.
But it will go something like this... the first step is the police have to say something to him. If your daughter is present, that is step 1 and 2 (ie. it's her choice if she wants to be present for the first warning and there won't be a second warning if she is).
Next, if it continues then a PPO can be filed.
Next, if it happens after that, he goes to jail.
Sounds complicated but it's really not.
The hard part in this particular situation is getting the police there when Perv is present and your daughter. The police will give the instructions though.
... also, what conserns me here is that he followed her to her car.
The goal here is to make sure he doesn't grab her. If you get in trouble in the process then you give him the upper hand and increase the possibility.
It is easy for the tables to turn and for you to be the one who gets in trouble. Play it safe and do the right thing, report it and follow the process.
and get her some mace, and instruct her not to walk anywhere without an escort.
What happened with the Pervy McP? I haven't seen a follow-up post, or else I'm blind.
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