Tuesday, August 12, 2008

A Fork In The Eye

This post will be another fine example of TentCamper’s ability to pee into the wind…or at least an example of my inane ability to attract bad luck. Now this ability is not something that I was born with, it is a skill that was honed. Proof that there is a warrior within this big-bladdered tenter.

Since I started blogging, I’ve not only had a continuous string of comments and the ever-present Insane Mama sticking forks in my eyes about my horrendous spelling and grammar mistakes on both my posts and the comments that I leave for others. For the most part I shrug and don’t really care if someone thinks my spelling sucks, but it is when I write something and it is SO wrong that people don’t have any clue what I am trying to say. Well…that and the constant twists of that fork in my eye are getting quite irritating.

Now, I have never professed to be good at spelling…or grammar for that matter, but within the walls of this post I will offer you the reasoning behind these child-like errors.

At first I thought that it was just me and my making stupid, careless errors…and not re-reading my posts before hitting that infamous Publish button, but then I noticed that certain keys on my keyboard just did not work right. Since you all know Insane Mama, I’m sure that you believe that when I would cuss and flip off my keyboard, she would roll her eyes and say, “yeah…ok…it’s your keyboard.” And then whisper something derogatory about me and my typing skills under her breath. Her love never ceases to amaze me.

Anyway, my cheap ass finally got fed up and ventured off to Best Buy for a new keyboard. First of all I did not expect there to be like 5 million different keyboards to choose from…and also did not expect that some of them exceeded $100 freakin bucks. After milling around the computer area for about 15 minutes, looking for the best, basic keyboard, I turned to the sales guy and said, “can you just get me a basic keyboard? And I won’t spend more than $30 on it.” The guy gave me a “Cheap Ass” look and in about a minute was back in front of me with a keyboard that looked pretty sweet to me. It had some sort of extra buttons on the sides for quick access to things like internet, email, volume, etc. I grabbed the box from the guy and headed to the check out area.

After getting home, I bee lined it to my computer, whipped out the keyboard and plugged her in. I was ready for the test drive!!!!

I opened Word and typed and typed…seemingly for hours (I think it was closer to 5 minutes though.) HOLY SHIT….NO mistakes!!!!! I was thoroughly impressed with my purchase and had a sort of scholarly feel come over me…I even sat up straight in my chair as I opened Blogger and started drafting my first post with my new baby.

I got done writing the post and decided to copy and paste it over to Word…just to check on how things went. As I pasted into Word….WORD FLIPPED ME OFF!!! There was a big middle finger on the screen and below it there were words that read, “You fucking stupid ass. Learn how to type. I can’t even figure out what you are trying to say in the document.”

My face dropped. I had no idea what had happened. A minute ago everything was fine…now it seems that I am in worse shape than before. I started a new Word document and slowly started typing…then I saw it…letters changed and flipped around in the words as I was writing…Auto-Correct was on! No wonder I thought the new keyboard was so great. Shit. What now….Sylvan Learning Institute?

I shrunk back into my worthless, 3rd grade English writing, taking abuse and insults from everyone shell…until…..Insane Mama had to use my computer the other day. She had to write something to print and I am hooked to the printer. When I got home she walked up to me, slugged me in the stomach and yelled, “YOUR KEYBOARD SUCKS ASS!!!!!!!!!!!” Then she hugged me and apologized for the tap in the gut and proceeded to attempt to “take back” all of the nasty things that she had said about my writing. Finally removing that freaking fork from my eye.

Now what? FUCK keyboards!
I need voice recognition dictation software….I’ll go ultra high tech!!!!!


The Mom said...

Don't sweat it. My hubs is a horrible speller/typer. Plus if you get your point across, it doesn't matter. Oh and grammar check is the devil. Nothing is ever right for that thing, LOL!

Swirl Girl said...

Sometimes I write too conversationally. Like it sounds good when I read it out loud - but then I read silently and it makes no sense. Like describing a spiral staircase without using your hands (in a spiralling motion).
I totally get it.

Holy Crappers said...

Spelling is overated


Deb said...

i think your misspelled words are endearing. and not to mention the challenge that comes when reading your posts. it's fun to try to figure out what you were trying to say...i wish more peple would misspell (lol)

Stephanie said...

Freaking technology. Why don't you just get some monks to come over and copy your stuff onto parchment? I'd totally do that...;)

Rhea said...

Only you, Tent Camper, only you.

Insane Mama said...

I'm REALLY sorry I punched you about your misspellings. It's your keyboard, it stinks.

cIII said...

I too have been the target of the "CheepAss" gaze. I gives me warmth though.
I type all my crap (a.k.a Blog Posts) at my office in Word. Word gives me the middle finger as well. To which I respond to Word with a little something I keep for special occasions like that. The Double Duce. I have two middle fingers. Fork you Word. I type what I want.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

That's HYSTERICAL!! I love to misspell words. It's so "In" right now!

- Jennifer

Anonymous said...

iff'n you look at yer Kuntrol Panil on yer PC, yu probubly have voise rekognition and dun't no it yit.

Teri said...

I think it would be cool if we could do our blogs just using our voices only. Then we could put accents with faces. Actually, I think there is some sort of voice recognition software that types for you.

But you know what? Your writing is just fine the way it is.

T said...

I KNOW! There is way too much electronic goop in this world. Just do video blogs from now on, mmmkay?


buffalodickdy said...

I paid 10 bucks two weeks ago for a Labtec keyboard that works fine, and doesn't give me the bird....


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