Friday, March 20, 2009

big ass needles and cutting tools

I think that I hide it pretty well, but I have to say that I’ve been living with quite a debilitating fear…poking around in my head lately.

I have recently been granted more time with my 2 boys and I feel that Mariah’s kids all love me and see me as a reliable and permanent fixture in their lives. Those two things make me the happiest man on Earth.

The scary part is that I have been feeling run down. Back problems, eyes get a bit discolored, ears clog daily along with recent throat problems, always fatigued, my ‘waste management’ department does not seem to be running smoothly (although…that could just be in my head.)

I have been to the doctor and had physicals and stuff, but I don’t over-dramatize all of these symptoms to the doctor. I don’t want to be a complainer or whiner. I suck it up and power on. It is just that these days I can’t help but to feel like something serious is going on every time I start to feel something ‘off.’

My throat has been killing me for 2 days now and it does not seem like a normal sore throat…instantly I start thinking…’it is throat cancer and I am FUCKED!’ Then I have a day when my bowel movements just don’t seem right…and I pee every 5 minutes…followed by feeling like I need to pee and just can’t...and I smoke and drink.

It is driving me crazy…but I do not say anything…I know Mariah is going to kick my ass and march me into a doctor after she reads this. I don’t want her to worry or freak out, and I genuinely fear going to a doctor with everything and having him say that I am FUCKED!

On the other hand…I am 41, I run around and play, wrestle and horse around with the kids all day. I (think) look much younger than I am. I am strong and have never had any medical problems. All of this shit could just be a figment of my imagination.

I need to be here for Mariah and all of our kids, but doctors and their frequent misdiagnosis, over medicating, treating things that are really not ‘things’ and …big ass needles and cutting tools.

I have never had surgery, never actually spent a night in a hospital…and I hate to admit, as a man, that Hospitals and all that cutting shit, scares the crap out of me. I can’t fathom the idea of me having to go in for some surgery or something. I could see myself skipping the country and living out my days on a beach in Costa Rica before checking into a hospital.

Maybe I just need to stop watching House and get some medical marajuana or something...and just chill!
Mariah…take it easy on me and …really….I’m ok.

4 Comments:

dadshouse said...

Dude, the medical marijuana crack at the end of this post is hilarious.

I'm 45, and my body went to hell a few years ago. I work out and stay in shape, but some things just go haywire.

Word to the wise - do not let some old fucking urologist stick a catheter up your dick. It's no fun. I seriously think they get their jollies doing that.

Trooper Thorn said...

You may not want to check into the hospital in Costa Rica. Hold on until you are in Panama, because the doctors wear wide brimmed hats.

Thanks for your comment on my Hot Dad's posting. You must be feeling okay of are still getting adult time and avoiding the kids.

Peggy said...

Tent Camper...you will likely be dead by sunrise.

Ok ok...bad joke...my brother is a doctor (ok, he's a foot doctor, but still!) I give him all my complaints and that's the answer I always get from him!

Sounds to me like you might have hayfever my friend!

I'd still shoot for the medical mj though...I mean it can't hurt right? ;)

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