Sidelines, Soccer Moms and Blood

Standing at the sidelines feeling completely “in” the game. I watch every movement by the players on both sides. My arms, legs and body move and twitch with the game involuntarily. As I pace up and down the sideline with the action, I tune out the clusters of chatty moms that seem to surround me.

My voice overpowers that of both coaches and the rest of the parents combined. I shout out moves and plays to the player with the ball. I bark at players to ‘open up’ and call for the ball. Forgetting about the scores of sibling children buzzing up and down the sidelines…and the moms cheering for their sons to play well. Here I am…shouting at the top of my lungs, “Take him down!” “Use your body!” “Flatten him!” I call out to my son as loud as I can, “Cody….take that kid out!”

Now I know that my voice carries and I am sure that everyone at the field can hear my aggressive and brutal orders. After catching disapproving glances from parents…on both teams, I tone it down a notch. I continue pacing up and down the field…intent on mot missing a beat. As I pass by a group of moms, sitting in their little folding chairs…talking about a sale at Macy’s or the latest debacle at the grocery store….I can’t help but to stop and say something crass…or at least uncalled for. Today it was, “Um, you are at a Lacrosse game…not the nail salon. Enough gossip…Watch the game.”

I know, I know…these are the parents of the other kids on the team and people that I spend a lot of time with. I really do not mean to be offensive, but how dare they not be as into the game as I am? I have secretly gone over to the players at halftime and broke out a wad of cash while announcing that I will pay $5 for every opponent that they take out of the game and $3 to see blood oozing out of anyone on the other team.

I know that some of the parents…and the coach have heard me…I am now starting to fear that everyone thinks that I am completely psychotic. Yes, I have been warned by referees before and almost been asked to leave games.

Yes, these are 12 and 13 year old boys. Yes, this is a team sport. Yes, the coaches are working hard to have the kids learn sportsmanship and to advance their skill with their sticks. I just can’t help myself…if you can’t outmaneuver your opponent…take his ass out!

It seems obvious that…I am in my own little sideline world, mostly due to the fact that when I go to games now and get my chair set up…the rest of the parents set up about 15 yards down the field from me. I suppose my pacing up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs for blood may interfere with the moms just wanting to see little Johnny get his first goal.