Monday, March 16, 2009

Sidelines, Soccer Moms and Blood

Standing at the sidelines feeling completely “in” the game. I watch every movement by the players on both sides. My arms, legs and body move and twitch with the game involuntarily. As I pace up and down the sideline with the action, I tune out the clusters of chatty moms that seem to surround me.

My voice overpowers that of both coaches and the rest of the parents combined. I shout out moves and plays to the player with the ball. I bark at players to ‘open up’ and call for the ball. Forgetting about the scores of sibling children buzzing up and down the sidelines…and the moms cheering for their sons to play well. Here I am…shouting at the top of my lungs, “Take him down!” “Use your body!” “Flatten him!” I call out to my son as loud as I can, “Cody….take that kid out!”

Now I know that my voice carries and I am sure that everyone at the field can hear my aggressive and brutal orders. After catching disapproving glances from parents…on both teams, I tone it down a notch. I continue pacing up and down the field…intent on mot missing a beat. As I pass by a group of moms, sitting in their little folding chairs…talking about a sale at Macy’s or the latest debacle at the grocery store….I can’t help but to stop and say something crass…or at least uncalled for. Today it was, “Um, you are at a Lacrosse game…not the nail salon. Enough gossip…Watch the game.”

I know, I know…these are the parents of the other kids on the team and people that I spend a lot of time with. I really do not mean to be offensive, but how dare they not be as into the game as I am? I have secretly gone over to the players at halftime and broke out a wad of cash while announcing that I will pay $5 for every opponent that they take out of the game and $3 to see blood oozing out of anyone on the other team.

I know that some of the parents…and the coach have heard me…I am now starting to fear that everyone thinks that I am completely psychotic. Yes, I have been warned by referees before and almost been asked to leave games.

Yes, these are 12 and 13 year old boys. Yes, this is a team sport. Yes, the coaches are working hard to have the kids learn sportsmanship and to advance their skill with their sticks. I just can’t help myself…if you can’t outmaneuver your opponent…take his ass out!

It seems obvious that…I am in my own little sideline world, mostly due to the fact that when I go to games now and get my chair set up…the rest of the parents set up about 15 yards down the field from me. I suppose my pacing up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs for blood may interfere with the moms just wanting to see little Johnny get his first goal.


Teri said...

When my son was in 1st grade and playing soccer that he insisted he wanted to play only to change his mind after I paid all the money, I was constantly yelling, "Turn around! Look at your team! Stop asking for lunch!" I didn't care if he ever got a goal. Just stop looking at the birds!

ciara said...

i'd prob be one of the parents sitting 15 yards away from you lol don't get me wrong, i love watching my kids w sports or whatever activity their in, i root them on in a not-so-soccer-mom way, but i want to 'enjoy' what i'm watching. we had one dad who couldn't watch his kid rest of football season cos of his 'antics' now he's coaching his sons' baseball team which my stepson happens to be on lol trust me, i am NOT one of those moms who talk about sales, grocery stores, or anything else lame & mundane. i'd rather not talk if it resorted to that.

Swirl Girl said...

We just started girl's softball season. I want to plug a few parents' for what they are saying to their kids...and mine.

Jennifer and Sandi said...

The advantages of NOT deleting your old blog on my blog roll. Over here now!!!!

- Jennifer

Philly said...

Hmmmm, although I always did love watching my son play sports and paid attention to what was going on, I was always ready to find out where the good sales were. So , Yeah, I'm one who is talking about the sales.
One Dad once told someone to shut their phone off during the game,,,,,that got a very politely fuck you to him.

Petra a.k.a The Wise (*Young*) Mommy said...

Oh man, I would totally be sitting there (with a glass of wine if they would let me), chillin' and enjoying the fresh air without caring who was winning. Don't get me wrong, I would watch the game just in case my kid did something good and I needed to shout something supportive or cheer, but I am just not into the whole competitive thing.

Sammanthia said...

Those are some seriously awesome pictures you posted. It almost makes me wish one of my kids played lacrosse. ALMOST.;)

ed said...


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