Sunday, June 15, 2008

Nothing Like A Little Monday Morning Drive

Tomorrow morning, ManicMariah and I are going to head out to meet (for the first time) my natural mother. It is bad when even typing it makes me want to puke all over my keyboard. Kind of like the thought of going to the doc for a prostate exam (story for another day)...anxiety, despair, wretched fear, clammy skin, dry mouth, sweaty (in all the wrong places)…but you just know that you HAVE to do it.

I guess that the worst thing is thinking about what I will say. The fear of rejection is not there (we’ve spoken on the phone a few times and exchanged emails) but how do you start that conversation? So...what have you been up to…FOR THE LAST 40 YEARS!?

Do you talk about “things?” The weather? Work? …..
I just don’t know what is going to happen...see...this is why it sucks that I can’t tell the future. I have NO powers!!!!!! Boo hoo!

Anyway…just a not explaining why there is no new post today (well, except this one.)

I will update you all tomorrow…unless I’ve checked myself in somewhere for…”Observation.”


AFRo said...

I'm glad you posted this because the subject is what led me to begin reading you in the first place and I'd wondered when you'd be addressing it again.

Where are you guys meeting? Is it like a coffee get together or lunch or something like that? Maybe you could bring some pictures of your children because if the conversation gets slow, that's always a life saver.

~Billie~ said...

I am sure you will feel great when its over! I have anxiety disorder too, and I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I don't think anyone can understand worrying about every little thing until you are sooo sick. Try not to stress too much, and just enjoy the experience! Sending positive thoughts your way! :)

Brigindo said...

Good luck. I can't really imagine how strange this must all be for you but hopefully the anxiety will disappear once the conversation gets rolling.

Sam said...

While I cannot possibly know how you feel or what the whole thing is going to be like, I do wish you lots of luck and great conversation.

buffalodickdy said...

You sure seem to throw up alot...I guess I'd meet her like any other person at first, let her do the talking, as I suspect she knows what you'd like to talk about, and react accordingly. Good Luck, and remember- my parents are both dead now, and yours aren't!

Carrie said...

Just be you. You could be son (if I got pregnant when I was nine, and I didn't so you are not) and if that was the case I would just hold you and smell the goodness of you.

Just be you. It is why "we" come back every day. Not to smell the goodness of you, but to read you being you.

Eek, did I make it worse? Are you suddenly worried about how you smell?

Deb said...

Big day for ya. Good luck. Hope you "get" something from the visit. I have a list of things I would ask my DAD, but I know I will never get the chance.

TentCamper said...

billie - Yeah, the anxiety is the killer. Thanks for your thoughts.
Brigindo - Thanks for the comment. I suppose that after 40 years we have a thing or 2 to talk about
Sam - Thanks for the wishes
Buffalo - Well, I do throw up alot (mostly in my head) although I could not sleep last night and had to make a trip to the bathroom (for real.) I know that I am very lucky for this opportunity.
Carrie - Thank you...I think. I will be sure to put on extra deoderant and use mouthwash.Maybe I should print out both my and Mama's blogs and just hand em over and be done with it.
Deb - Thank you and I never thought I'd get this chance either.

SherE1 said...

Good luck to you! Can't wait to hear how it goes!

Judy Haley said...

this totally counts as a post.

I hope everything went ok.

Mama Dawg said...

Good luck!

Kandace said...

Holding you and hoping things went well!

Lori said...

I'm very familier with those feelings. I, too, was adopted. It was weird thinking about how you get to know someone who was so intimately involved in your life. One thing that still boggles my mind is the fact that I now have people that I look like. Hard for people that were not adopted to understand how strange that is.

I met my birth mother several years ago. We had spent probably a year exchanging letters - feeling each other out and slowly forming a relationship. Our meeting went really good. My husband was with me and I was glad for the buffer. We had several years together - getting to know each other, finding out how alike we were, etc - before I lost her again to congestive heart failure.

I would suggest taking photographs of you and your family. She would probably enjoy seeing you grow up and that will give you something to talk about.

Just be yourself!!


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