Tuesday, July 29, 2008

I Jerked Off My Stomach….in the middle of the park

My history with my adoptive father is one that I will say I do not wish on anyone. He and my adoptive mother were divorced when I was very young and I mostly spent summers with him. At the time, everything was great. My brothers and sisters and I were pretty much free to do as we wanted while with him. It was fun to not have a parent telling us what we could or could not do.

There were a lot of things that went on over the years that (as I got older) put a wedge between us. At the age of 21, I was going through a rough time with regard to him (not calling, visiting, writing, sending birthday or holiday gifts, etc.)

To me, he was not a father, and never had been. I saw him as a guy that used to be married to my mother, never offered advice, did not spend much time ensuring that we (the kids) were safe and was only available…some of the time. Oh…did I mention that he was the first person to give me both beer and pot?... When I was about 8 years old? At first he said that he wanted me to try it so that I knew how bad it was and then would not want it later. He later said that he really just wanted to see what we (my younger sister and I) would do. It was hard for me…to not respect him as my father. I wanted to respect him…but could not.

At that point I decided to call him to discus my feelings. On the phone, I told him how I felt and that I needed him to tell me what role in my life he would like to be. If he wanted to be my father…he’d have to call more than once a year. If he just wanted to be in my life here and there…just let me know and that would be all that I would expect from him. He told me that he wanted to be in my life…as my father. I was elated. That is that answer that I wanted, so desperately to hear. I told him that we could start with phone calls once a month. I’d call him…the next month he would call me. Even if it was just to say “Hi” and that things are going well.

I did not hear from him for 9 months after that.

From that point on…I see him as the guy that used to be my father and was now going to get in touch every year or so. I don’t ever expect to hear from him…or even look forward to it. I have been hurt by him not following through with plans to visit way too many times. I suppose that being an adopted child…this transition and feeling of abandonment was somewhat easier for me to deal with.


I have gotten a few calls and emails from him over the last few days, that I have not answered. He left messages about plans to fly out for the holidays for a visit. I heard that both six and nine months ago…no visits. Today I picked up the phone when I saw his number (wanting the calls to stop.) He told me of his travel plans and I, not wanting to commit to anything, told him that I did not know if we’d be around…we may be going out of state.

Then the conversation turned to my two sons. As you know I and my ex-wife are not on the best terms (although things seem to be getting much better.) He said that he wanted to see them and that he missed them, etc. I can understand that and would have no problem with all of us getting together for a visit.

So there I am, at the park with Insane Mama’s 9 year old and a friend. I’m laying on the grass while on the phone. Insane Mama was sitting next to me, watching as I made faces into the phone and rolling my eyes (why is he calling to make plans that he knows he will not follow through on?)

Anyway, All of the sudden (Punk Dad – PD) spouts out…
PD – “This whole visitation thing is ridiculous. I am there grandfather and I deserve to see them. I want to be a good grandfather to them and be in their lives.”

What the FUCK?!?!?!?!

I instantly dry heaved and thought that I was going to puke all over some poor little kid walking by. I’m actually not sure what I said to him at that point. My mouth was gaping open, my eyes were definitely screaming “Your stupid dumb mother fucker!!!!” and all I could do was …jack off my stomach. (I made “the motion” over my stomach…so that Insane Mama knew what I meant…but kids passing by would not.

Insane Mama burst into laughter and had to step away. After finishing the phone conversation with dickhead…(he has no consistent name around here.) I called IM over to fill her in…who the hell is he to say that he deserves to be in their lives? That he wants to be a good grandfather to them? He could not even be a father to me. Now he thinks he DESERVES to be in their lives. FUCK THAT!

We had a good laugh and then I bad mouthed him a bit more and, well…that was about it…well, that and a little PDA between …consenting adults.


Anonymous said...

He's a jerk. Sorry, he's your dad and all but he's a jerk.

Do you and IM ever come up for air?

Insane Mama said...

He is a jerk! I think your kids deserve to see a grandfather that WILL BE THERE! Not a flake ass jerk. I love when you pretend to jack off :)

Mom Taxi Julie said...

My dad is a jerk like that too. He's great when he's around but when is that? Christmas and that's about it. He has NEVER come to any of my kid's birthday parties or made an effort to get to know any of them on his time. I think they are better off without him if he's going to be that way and so are your kids (and you!)

preTzel said...

Know what? I will admit it took me a bit to open this post because I thought "Damn, I don't want to read about him jacking off in a park! Gross!" But now I'm glad I did click it.

Know what? He's not a "father" and he'll never be a "grandfather". Any asshole can be a "father" but a real man will be a Dad.

Don't feel bad TC - Baby calls my mom "your mom", "my mom's mom", or by her given name. She hates it. But - she's never been a grandmother to him so what does she expect.

Hang tough - stick to your guns, you'll feel better in the long run.

TentCamper said...

Thank you all! This is all very helpful

Gretchen said...

Sorry to hear what a horrid creature your "father" is. :( I wouldn't let him anywhere near my children. Why should he be allowed to destroy another generation?


blogger templates 3 columns | Make Money Online