Monday, August 4, 2008

BIRTHDAY PARTIES and GUY FRIENDS

So, on Saturday, I was invited to go to my oldest son’s 7th birthday party (hosted by my ex wife.) The party was at UltraZone – a laser tag place with an arcade that was filled with about 50 very determined and pushy kids (not mine…or the kids in his party)…it was the other kids there that felt it necessary to step on my toes and push there way past me to get to that video game that apparently won’t be there if they don’t get to in 2 seconds.

Anyway, It was great to be at the party with my son. He seemed to really be happy that I was there. ( I will post about my sons and the party at another time) As I did not know many of the other adults there as they were my ex wife’s friends and the parents of my son’s friends…but there were a few people there that I had not seen or talked to since my ex and I split up. For me, it was great to see two of them; Jim and Eric. Now Jim, I had known since 1992 when we both lived in Boston. Then after we both lived out here in Southern California, we worked together, lived together and started a business together. Jim was the best man in my wedding and was both a fishing partner and a trusted friend. As for Eric, I became friends with him in 1995 when he married a friend of my ex wife. He was also from the East Coast and a big sports fan. I really liked to hang out with him.

Now that I feel that I have thoroughly gotten off track, I’ll get back to my point.

It was really great to see these guys. I had missed their friendships over the past 3 years and have recently been rather sad about my lack of guy friends. There is one other guy that was, along with Jim, one of my best friends since moving to CA…RM. We were pretty tight and he also lived with me when he and his fiancé broke up. We would sit up nights, talking about EVERYTHING. RM knew me inside and out and I felt a very special bond with him. It was he, Jim and I that were …like brothers – for about 6 years. We fished, golfed, and talked about life and all the other shit that guys talk about. RM began his acting career and started getting big roles and sort of drifted into a new crowd. It was sad, but I guess I can understand that.

At the party Jim, Eric and I were only able to talk a little, being that we were all there to focus on my son along with keeping an eye on the other 20 kids in his birthday party. When I got home, after the party, I told Insane Mama about Jim and Eric and that I hoped that I’d be able to re-form friendships with them.

I have sent emails to both Jim and Eric and I hope that I get some sort of response. I know that after my ex and I split up, they all remained friends and I actually don’t know what was said to them or what they think of me at this point…I feel a sort of stupid anxiety….kind of like after the first day at a new school. Wondering if any of the new people you met would like you and talk to you the next day.

I know that this post is kind of random and not put together well, but I just had to get this stuff out of my head.

PHEW…….I feel better now

13 Comments:

Insane Mama said...

Sadly, that is how divorce works. People take sides. It's hard to "roll" with the same group of people as your ex does.

TentCamper said...

I know...It just makes me sad to have lost three such close friends

Molly said...

Maybe they felt awkward because they had left it so long, but now they have seen you again they will make the effort. I hope so anyway. And who is this famous actor that you are friends with, I need to know?!

preTzel said...

Yep, as IM said, divorce works that way. People take sides, lies are told, crap is flung, and pretty soon everyone is just covered in crap and nothing has been settled. (I'm sure you know this LOL!)

What is so awful is that divorce doesn't just affect the two people going through it and everyone taking sides just exacerbates the divorce. It's sad.

I hope they contact you TC.

~Trish~ said...

Hi there, just came across this via Molly's blog. What can I say, the blog title intriged me hahaha!! Blah, divorces-he is my friend not yours-pain in the butt all around huh? I hope it all works out in the end for everyone!

dadshouse said...

Everyone takes sides in divorce, it sucks. My ex and I split 8 years ago, and only in the last few years have some old friends come around and started being nice again. Meanwhile, I had to let go of most of the old friends and made some new ones. And the new ones are pretty cool - got me into sailing, for one.

Deb said...

i started reading the first paragraph and had bad flashbacks to the "zone" I took the kids to here. I took a valium and I am back now and finally reading the post. Although IM is absolutely correct, it must be very hard for you. Having male or female friends when we are adults is so important to our mental (and I believe-physical) health. Do continue to try to reach out to them. They have probably heard all manner of ill things said about you, but remember, they KNOW you. You were friends before all the crap and you are still the same person. Dont give up Chris, it's too important.

T said...

Funny, we just had a similar experience this weekend when my ex took the kids to a birthday party for once of our old friend's child. He knew everyone there and I did too. I showed up later. No one treated him any differently but after he left everyone asked me if we were going to get back together. Seriously?

I just think its funny that some people don't get over your divorce as quickly as you do.

Anyway, I'm sure it'll all be water under the bridge if they saw you there acting civil to your ex. You were, weren't you? Hey, at least you were both in the same room!!

Rhea said...

That was a rambling post alright, but it's so good to get your thoughts "on paper" like that.

I hope your friends aren't chosing sides, because frankly, it takes two to make and break relationships, I think. So, they shouldn't just blame one person.

If they do, then they aren't real friends to begin with, and you should grieve your loss.

My boys LOVE laser tag parties.

Teri said...

Sometimes it just takes that initial meet up after the "break" to get things rolling again. I'm crossing my fingers for you.

TentCamper said...

Thank you all for that. I just got back from the beach and have not checked my email yet I'll keep you all posted.

Candid Carrie said...

Adult friends are hard to find. When you are kid in school your best friend is who ever is next to you in line waiting to get a drink.

And sometimes people change. I've got friends that when we haven't talked in months and we pick up the phone or bump into each other it is like no time passed at all. Other people there is a strain if they don't have constant contact.

Or maybe it is your beard.

Dee said...

Maybe the time apart served a good purpose. Wounds heal, tempers cool. Hope your hear from them.

 

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