the mind of a 4 year old

It cracks me up… the things that come out of the mind of a 4 year old. Sometimes I feel like they have such a ‘raw’ sense of things that they teach me a thing or two.

My 4 year old son walked up to me today, looked me in the eyes and said that he wanted to tell me something.

Son: “You know that green Power Ranger that was missing its arm?”
Me: “Yeah.”
Son: “I fixed it this morning…just put his arm back in.”
Me: “Great job…what…are you a doctor?”
Son: “Um…NO but then when I was fixing his arm I broke off his leg. (with a familiar ‘oopsie’ look on his face)”
Me: “Well that stinks.”
Son: “Yeah, I guess it is not bad. I would be bad if I broke off both of his legs cuz then if he wanted to go somewhere he’d have to bounce around on his butt.”
Me: “Yep! It sure is a good thing.” Then I burst out laughing.

And then…..

not more than 5 minutes later he walked up to me and said: “Dad…you know what?” I turned to him as he continued by saying, “You know what I do when I have a fart coming but it does not come out?” I responded with a puzzled look as I tried to hold back a burst of laughter and “What buddy?” He then continued, “I go like this.” (Squatting down and resting his elbows on his knees…with his toosh in firing position.)

Sidelines, Soccer Moms and Blood

Standing at the sidelines feeling completely “in” the game. I watch every movement by the players on both sides. My arms, legs and body move and twitch with the game involuntarily. As I pace up and down the sideline with the action, I tune out the clusters of chatty moms that seem to surround me.

My voice overpowers that of both coaches and the rest of the parents combined. I shout out moves and plays to the player with the ball. I bark at players to ‘open up’ and call for the ball. Forgetting about the scores of sibling children buzzing up and down the sidelines…and the moms cheering for their sons to play well. Here I am…shouting at the top of my lungs, “Take him down!” “Use your body!” “Flatten him!” I call out to my son as loud as I can, “Cody….take that kid out!”

Now I know that my voice carries and I am sure that everyone at the field can hear my aggressive and brutal orders. After catching disapproving glances from parents…on both teams, I tone it down a notch. I continue pacing up and down the field…intent on mot missing a beat. As I pass by a group of moms, sitting in their little folding chairs…talking about a sale at Macy’s or the latest debacle at the grocery store….I can’t help but to stop and say something crass…or at least uncalled for. Today it was, “Um, you are at a Lacrosse game…not the nail salon. Enough gossip…Watch the game.”

I know, I know…these are the parents of the other kids on the team and people that I spend a lot of time with. I really do not mean to be offensive, but how dare they not be as into the game as I am? I have secretly gone over to the players at halftime and broke out a wad of cash while announcing that I will pay $5 for every opponent that they take out of the game and $3 to see blood oozing out of anyone on the other team.

I know that some of the parents…and the coach have heard me…I am now starting to fear that everyone thinks that I am completely psychotic. Yes, I have been warned by referees before and almost been asked to leave games.

Yes, these are 12 and 13 year old boys. Yes, this is a team sport. Yes, the coaches are working hard to have the kids learn sportsmanship and to advance their skill with their sticks. I just can’t help myself…if you can’t outmaneuver your opponent…take his ass out!

It seems obvious that…I am in my own little sideline world, mostly due to the fact that when I go to games now and get my chair set up…the rest of the parents set up about 15 yards down the field from me. I suppose my pacing up and down, screaming at the top of my lungs for blood may interfere with the moms just wanting to see little Johnny get his first goal.

Now That Is Talent!!!

Most of you have read some of my posts where I talk about my two sons, who live with my ex-wife. I have not written much about them so far but this past weekend was my oldest son’s 7th birthday....and what better way to contribte to Carrie's Friday Foto Fiesta

He was so cute and very happy to have two birthday celebrations (and cake) two days in a row.

I look forward to every one of the visits that I get with them, which are now on a frequent and regular schedule.







At his SECOND party this year…he schooled the other kids on how to properly wear frosting…and how to eat cupcakes. “This is how it’s done everyone!”…as he posed for the camera. Maybe he’ll get some work as a model for Sara Lee.




Even though I do not live with them….there seem to be some traits of mine that he has acquired…cupcake eating is one of them. I am known for disappearing a cupcake in one monstrous bite. (I do it very delicately and with the utmost precision.) I now know that when it comes to cake, he is right on my trail.



Just a few more of these mouth exercises and obviously more cupcakes…maybe we could get on Letterman…stupid father and son tricks.

They are two of the coolest, cutest and most charismatic little guys that the world has ever seen. (at least in my book)

HAPPY Birthday J-Bird!!!!

BIRTHDAY PARTIES and GUY FRIENDS

So, on Saturday, I was invited to go to my oldest son’s 7th birthday party (hosted by my ex wife.) The party was at UltraZone – a laser tag place with an arcade that was filled with about 50 very determined and pushy kids (not mine…or the kids in his party)…it was the other kids there that felt it necessary to step on my toes and push there way past me to get to that video game that apparently won’t be there if they don’t get to in 2 seconds.

Anyway, It was great to be at the party with my son. He seemed to really be happy that I was there. ( I will post about my sons and the party at another time) As I did not know many of the other adults there as they were my ex wife’s friends and the parents of my son’s friends…but there were a few people there that I had not seen or talked to since my ex and I split up. For me, it was great to see two of them; Jim and Eric. Now Jim, I had known since 1992 when we both lived in Boston. Then after we both lived out here in Southern California, we worked together, lived together and started a business together. Jim was the best man in my wedding and was both a fishing partner and a trusted friend. As for Eric, I became friends with him in 1995 when he married a friend of my ex wife. He was also from the East Coast and a big sports fan. I really liked to hang out with him.

Now that I feel that I have thoroughly gotten off track, I’ll get back to my point.

It was really great to see these guys. I had missed their friendships over the past 3 years and have recently been rather sad about my lack of guy friends. There is one other guy that was, along with Jim, one of my best friends since moving to CA…RM. We were pretty tight and he also lived with me when he and his fiancé broke up. We would sit up nights, talking about EVERYTHING. RM knew me inside and out and I felt a very special bond with him. It was he, Jim and I that were …like brothers – for about 6 years. We fished, golfed, and talked about life and all the other shit that guys talk about. RM began his acting career and started getting big roles and sort of drifted into a new crowd. It was sad, but I guess I can understand that.

At the party Jim, Eric and I were only able to talk a little, being that we were all there to focus on my son along with keeping an eye on the other 20 kids in his birthday party. When I got home, after the party, I told Insane Mama about Jim and Eric and that I hoped that I’d be able to re-form friendships with them.

I have sent emails to both Jim and Eric and I hope that I get some sort of response. I know that after my ex and I split up, they all remained friends and I actually don’t know what was said to them or what they think of me at this point…I feel a sort of stupid anxiety….kind of like after the first day at a new school. Wondering if any of the new people you met would like you and talk to you the next day.

I know that this post is kind of random and not put together well, but I just had to get this stuff out of my head.

PHEW…….I feel better now

Moments In Time

The other morning I got up and headed off to my 4 year old son’s pre-school graduation. Things were great and it was so nice to be there and see them (regardless of how brief it was.)

Sitting in the auditorium, with my 4 year old on my lap and 6 year old in the seat next to me, we watched as the slide show/movie was played. Now I know that the room was full of young kids and did not expect that it would be all that quiet, but little Mr. Mini Me (6 year old) offered up a fairly constant stream of chit chat to me. I adored it and hoped that it was because he missed seeing me. I put my arm around him and gave him a squeeze. This continued well into the presentation.

Then he turned to me, looked me in the eyes, and –
Son 1 – “Daddy?!, Daddy?!, Daddy?!” (in a sort of wisper)
Me – “Yeah?”
Son 1 - “I’m not quite sure why, Daddy, but …
Son 1 – “ummm….Well…”
Me – “Yes?”
Son 1 – OK…I don’t really know why, but my mouth has been kind of hyper ….for the last few weeks now.” (said very matter-of-factly…and with a questioning tone that you’d hear from a therapist)
Me – “What?”
Son 1 – “My mou…” (then cut off by Son 2)
Son 2 – (looking over his shoulder at me - with a very straight face) “Daddy…He said that he talks a lot…I think he talks too much sometimes too.”
I could hardly hold in the laughter.
Me- “That’s ok buddy.. sometimes people just have a lot to say.”
Then he just looked up at me, smiled and told me that he loves me (with a little hug.)

I just LOVE those little guys!!!!