Sunday, September 7, 2008

one with the cart...one with the coupons

The domesticated, mature, sensible, man that I am….I do make runs to the grocery store. I like to go with Insane Mama. We work well as a team. One with the cart, one with the coupons…and both people watching.

Walking into the store, we have our mission and the plan of attack is simple. It seems though that after poking, prodding and squeezing everything in the first aisle (produce of course) we tend to get a bit bored. Not that grocery shopping for a gaggle of children is supposed to be fun…but yes…we get bored.

That is when we usually split up…not saying anything to each other…but both of us know what is coming. Insane Mama heads for the woman’s “personal feminine products” and I do a bee line for the beloved selection of condoms, lubes and such. After loading our cart with a nice assortment of “unmentionables” we head back to begin rummaging through the second aisle.

Why did we collect such an assortment of ‘goodies’ you ask? I’ll explain why this has become one of our favorite shopping pastimes.

You see…about 2 years ago…while at the grocery store. We were strolling along when this couple walked by…they were obviously in a bit of a tiff. Both glaring at one another and exchanging nasty comments. I thought it would be funny to, ‘stealthly’ drop a tube of “Tingly K-Y Jelly” into their basket when they were not looking. We followed them around the store until IT happened. The woman saw the K-Y and freaked on him. She was mortified…and the guy seemed to not know how to hold back a smile…while denying putting it into the cart.

We got a kick out of it and it has become a …shopping tradition.

Tampons for gay men, condoms for gay women, sex lube for snooty women and couples, lube for college kids, personal 'massagers' for prude looking women, extra large condoms for couples…and 65+ men, etc.

It tends to be the funniest if they don’t realize that the products are there until that are loading everything onto the register belt thingy. The looks on their faces are priceless. They always look at the cashier and the people right behind them to see who saw.

Anyway, I am SURE that the security personnel (the people watching the camera monitors) talk about us in their national corporate meetings.

Am I…are we…TOO CHILDISH?

30 Comments:

Rhea said...

OMG, you are now my favorite person ever. You and Insane Mama. I LOVE it that y'all do this. That's freakin' hilarious.

I'm gonna have to try this. Seriously. OMG.

T said...

Oh my goodness. That is the most fun ever to be had at a grocery store! You two are so freakin' funny. I swear it'd be a blast to hang out with you guys. Or just go grocery shopping with you. Ha!

Thanks for the laugh.

Always Smiling said...

LMAO

I could see my husband and one of his friends doing that.

Insane Mama said...

The best part really, since I am partner in crime, is putting the warming gel into the 80 year olds cart and seeing him sport a tiny boner at the thought.

Insane Mama said...

Oh, and then his wickedy old witch of a wife gives him THAT nast old lok like you are a pervert

Insane Mama said...

and tenter and I hide behind the paper towels cracking the fuck up.

Insane Mama said...

That is what I call FUN!... am I a loser?

sista #2 said...

OK I am pissing my pants ROFLMAO

I am gonna try this with Big F at the store.

LOL

peace
#2

Hot Tub Lizzy said...

Oh yes, - that was our favorite past-time in college... It just doesn't get any funnier!

amelia bedelia said...

I am SO doing that at walmart tomorrow!

goodfather said...

O...M...G!! How could I be as old as I am, and as childish as you seem to be (no offense at ALL), and NOT COME UP WITH THIS?! You are a genius (both of you are genuises, or whatever the plural of genius is, I'm not smart enough). Hilarious!

American in Norway said...

OMG...I so want to try this.... Can't you just see me getting caught in the act... Freaky obnoxious American caught in the act of dropping lube in someones cart....
I am going to try it....

Teri said...

Oh how I wish I had enough guts to do this. I swear, this is too funny!

Rhea said...

So, I need to know if you or Mariah have ever been caught doing this?!

TentCamper said...

Do it ALL the time and NEVER been caught!!!!!
(knocking on wood)

3D said...

I think we should declare this The National Grocery Shopping Sexcapades. This may even make an olympic event. I will HAVE TO try this next week. AAAAAAAAHHHH! I can't wait now, I wish I needed to go to the store today!!!

Russ said...

Dude, that is funny!

Of course I'm fighting the same thing, only from Mr. B (and it is usually cookies and not personal items).

gathering dust said...

i got linked over here from a comment on mine, and goodness - that's hilarious. i've thought of doing that before but never have - mostly because i lack the grace to stealthily do it...

good readin!

Swirl Girl said...

reminds me of an old joke...

about a woman who walks around the store touching her head, then her breasts, then her crotch ..over and over again.

it was her shopping list.

A head of lettuce.
Two chicken breasts and some Fantastic!

for a different kind of girl said...

A plan like this would make going to the store far less a chore!

Molly said...

I so want to go shopping with you two!

Michael said...

OMG, that is so funny. Not childish at all.

As a gay man, if I do grocery shopping with my partner, I would love to be surprised and see KY on our cart.

Cheers!

leezee52 said...

Love it!

Jennifer and Sandi said...

Now that's what I call FUN! Never even crossed my mind but now.... Gotta try it!!

HAPPY MONDAY!!

- Jennifer

Xbox4NappyRash said...

It's quite possible we are related...

Me said...

My husband once put a huge cucumber with a nibble off the end of it in some old hag's cart.

Because she totally stole our parking spot.

Brandy said...

OMG! I can see there is never a dull moment with you guys...I guess this is one form of "relationship counseling".

Too funny.

Krista said...

That is so funny! I never seem to think I need a cart and find that I always do. So rather than walking all the way back up to the front (yes, I'm a lazy ass) I try to take somebody's cart that doesn't have much in it yet. I always get busted. Quite embarrassing, really. So with my luck, I'd get caught. How do they not hear you laughing at them?

Tessa said...

That is too funny- and too much fun to be had at the grocery store! haha- I was going to add though- if you use coupons you should check out the site:
http://www.couponmom.com
It's a great site that makes using coupons even more efficient- I recently saved over 87 dollars on groceries- and only spent 44!! :)

sassy stephanie said...

OMgosh. Crack me up. I could totally hang with you two.

 

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