Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Abandoned For The Second Time

I do not really know what to say right now…except that I am thoroughly confused. Back on June 16th, I made a trip to meet my birthmother. The meeting went very well…I thought, and we parted with tears, smiles and plans on keeping in touch.

As soon as I got home I immediately sat down and sent her an email – Thanking her for the opportunity to meet her. I also mentioned that I did want to keep in touch and that I hoped to see her again and to meet my ….? (natural half brother.)

I did receive one brief email from her saying that she did not have much time to write, but that she wanted to thank me for the visit and that she would write more soon.

Now it has been almost a month and I have not heard anything else from her. What the fuck? I don’t even know what to think. Was she revolted by me and just pretended during the visit? Did she check off, on her list, that she had met me…and now she can move on to other things? Has something happed to her?

I am very confused and I am not sure if I should put the whole thing on the back burner for now…If she wants to back away…who am I to impose myself on her?

I am hurt, confused, curious and worried all at the same time. I hate feeling like this.
I am going to send one more brief email to her and then … I guess…make some attempt at closure.


ugagirl30 said...

I would agree with the second email. Just give her one more chance, because it is not fair to you to keep getting hurt. Keep your chin up!

Insane Mama said...

Babe, I agree one more email, you know how life can sometimes get in the way of what we want to do. Because I was there, I can reassure you that she was not disappointed in ANY way!

Teri said...

Yes, a second email is definitely appropriate. Who knows what kind of other stuff could very well have bogged her down for the last month. Stuff happens without meaning any harm to others. I'll cross my fingers that she will be happy to get that second email knowing that you are still thinking of her.
Take care.

flutter said...

Ok. I am a birthmom. It's not something I blog about but I can tell you exactly what is going on with her....well my theory anyway.

You are not revolting. You are not bad, you didn't offend. Her distance has very little to do with you and everything to do with her.

Being a birthmom is such a weird thing. How much you want to be a part of your birthchild's life but how you feel like you failed them. How you feel like your heart is being ripped open just by knowing the gravity of your decision.

She is hurting, just as you are, a second email is appropriate but just know she is as fragile in her heart as you.

Deb said...

i agree that another email is in order. she may be feeling the same things you are and is trying not to impose on your life either. dont give up just yet chris. keep trying.

Rhea said...

One more email is definitely ok, a must actually. I understand your confusion. :o(

The Mom said...

Send her another email. I'm sure she is flooded with the same questions and emotions about the whole thing and is just processing.

Good luck!

Mama Dawg said...

Yeah, I'd give her one more e-mail. Give her a second chance. She might be going through some things herself that may be preventing her from getting back to you.

TentCamper said...

OK all - Thanks for the comments. I emailed her at 10AM this morning...still nothing. I will give it a few days.

preTzel said...

As a birthmother I would ask that you contact her one more time. Give her the chance and then if she continues to not respond then that will be your answer. My DH met his birth father about 9 years ago and while we kept in contact at first they have not responded to e - mails, phone calls, cards, or letters so DH said he wanted it all to stop.

I see my son quite often and he knows me and his brothers. He is a wonderful kid and I love him dearly. Had his adoption been different I'd still welcome him in my home.

I hope things change for you too. Hang in there.

Xbox4NappyRash said...

I've really no idea what you or she must be going through, but it has given me lots of food regarding our own situation.

I hope it works our for you, I really do.


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