… Or Is It Just A Man’s Way Of Trying To Do The Right Thing
So let me set this up for you.
A few weeks ago my “woman” (we will call her M Cool for now) got up in the morning and was acting all pissy. I asked what was wrong. She looked at me and gruffly said, ”nothing.” I backed off a bit to see if she just needed some space.
About an hour later, after no change, I, tenderly, approached her again to ask what was wrong. Her head whipped around (kind of Exorcist-esc) and with glaring eyes she informed me that she was a shitty mother and a lazy piece of poo (but she used the S word.) I jumped back, not knowing what to expect, and asked why she felt like that. She told me that she hates waking up late and not being able to see the kids off to school. It makes her feel like a pile of steamy dog poo.
From that point on I have been making a point to set our alarm so that we have time to get up and spend some time with the kids before they leave.
OK…I am almost there.
Anyway, M Cool is ….how should I put it?....NOT A MORNING PERSON!
Now, as the alarm is on my side, it is my job to turn it off and make sure that Mrs. Cool gets up. This is one tough job. After weeks of trial and error, this morning I turned over onto my side, scooched myself into her until she reached around me so that we are in a loving spooning position. Then I proceed to work some of my “inner magic” and push out a nice, loud, morning toot. Eyes still closed, I felt the stabbing sensation of an elbow connecting with my ribs followed by what sounded like snapping bone, while instantaneously leaping from the bed repeating, “You NASTY, DISGUSTING BASTARD. You are so nasty and gross.” I stayed in bed…trying to take back my gases by saying that I was kidding and was just trying to get her out of bed like she wanted.
After coming out of the bathroom, she threw me a glare calling me nasty again and then abruptly left the room.
After pondering my decision and weighing the pain and insults, I have decided that I will go back to the drawing board.
We’re not going anywhere.
2 days ago
31 Comments:
yea, he does do that! Cause I am Mrs.C and M cool and Insane Mama
I'll explain tomorrow and I hope I broke your ribs.. Dear....
Whoa... you guys are together and posting on each others blog? Weird and kinda sexy
You are a sick bastard, but hey, she wanted to wake up early. Alarm or fart...
This could get good, the two of you posting all over the place and dissing each other up. I'm excited
My wife is not a morning person, but better than she used to be. She taught me her being vertical did not consitute being "awake"...Talking to her about anything you don't want a lucid answer to must happen before she drinks coffee... I explained to her the sun came up every morning without my permission, please don't blame me daily for this...etc.
LOL. My hubby toots in bed...I react similarly. Maybe you could just turn off the alarm, get out of bed, and get her a cup of coffee. That would be nicer. :)
Trust me. I have tried everything. I have tried, the cup of coffee, turning on the news an talking to her, rubbing her back and even sending our 9 year old up into the bed. The farts are the only things so far that will actually get her to "remove" herself from the bed.
oh.. and I can....and will DIS HER UP!!!!! :)
Nice one! I remember when I was married a long time ago that we used to do that to each other and it was always a competition to see who could do it first! M Cool, you just have to get him back for that!
I'd totally fart back then got back to sleep.
So does this mean I have to be nicer to men on my blog now? Nah ... Thanks for stopping by!
That is prety gnarly. My hubby toots in bed but not actually ON me. (LOL!) It cracks me up when he does. I'm easily amused!
At least you didn't fart then throw the covers over her head!!!
OMG! I have now read every post and have laughed at EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. I am definitely adding you to my "Daily Rounds". And I love the title of your blog.
I told Rhea about your shock and awe on the comments.
She is feeling compelled to challenge you.
Of course, instead of commenting on your blog...I should be over on hers.
Regaining the title that you took from me.
The one that I should rightly have.
Just like IM should have the title on this one.
But I hear that Rhea did a comment dump here.
Right after you bombed her site.
Cause we are juvenile like that.
I figure I can at least aim for the #2 spot.
I can do that here. And then head over to Rhea's.
Where I can take you down for that top spot.
Or am I in for another shock and awe from you later today as you officially challenge Rhea for the top spot?
Are you doing this to every blog that has the top commenter widget?
Or did I just get lucky in capturing your attention?
Or perhaps this is how you are now going to spend your time.
Since you are not reading Black Hockey Jesus anymore.
But I am not sure that I can even compare.
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