Pee...for you and me!!!!!!

OK, I am not going to get into any detail about how this conversation got started…or why it lasted so long, but Mariah and I found ourselves talking about pee…and its existent or non-existent health benefits. Although most of you think I am all about the pee…I think it is pretty gross and would only use it in the case of a jelly fish sting.

Anyway, she was telling me that people swear by first morning pee…that they use it to wash their faces, drink it, etc. Just plain foul!!!

I decided to do a bit of research. Here is what I have found.

Urine consists mostly of watern with small amount of urea (a substance that can be harmful if it enters the blood stream) and excreted enzymes, minerals and hormones--which many believe can be beneficial to the body. Urine therapy involves using one's own urine to address a number of illnesses and conditions. In addition to helping maintain general health, urine therapy has been shown to be a beneficial part of skin care.

For best results, allow the urine to dry on your skin as you massage it in….

For larger problem areas or areas that are sore or sensitive to the touch like large acne outbreaks, eczema patches or large scars or blemishes, apply a compress. With a large urine sample, soak a small washcloth or rag in the urine, then lay the rag on the area. Leave it there for up to ten minutes…

…put urine in a clean spray bottle and spray it onto your skin, then let it dry there like a body mist…..

The middle stream of fresh, warm, morning urine is the most potent, and drinking it mixed with freshly squeezed orange juice is probably the fastest way to accomplish this task, although it is best not to mix urine with other foods or drinks or to take it within an hour before or after eating.

Oral drops of fresh urine can be placed directly under the tongue. Urine therapists suggest their patients start with 5 drops of fresh morning urine on the first day, increase to 5 or 10 drops on the second day, and take 10 drops on the morning of the third day and the same amount that evening before going to bed.
Self-urine may be used as eye drops and ear drops, in foot baths and even as effective enemas. Nose drops can help loosen mucus and clear up blocked nasal passages. Gargling with it is helpful for a sore throat, and inhaling it relieves sinus and respiratory congestion. Taken internally, it has a laxative and diuretic effect, as it cleanses the digestive tract.

it also works as an excellent cosmetic for moisturizing and healing skin blemishes, burns and scar tissue. However, for this usage, it is preferable to use urine that is 4 - 8 days old.

Anyway, this is quite disturbing to me. Who the F is gonna sit there, groggily piss into a cup and then rub it on their face, followed by a nice big swig…to get their morning going?!

Absolute shit I say.

Oh, but did you know that eating a pound of carrots can make you see in the dark? And if you masturbate you palms will grow hair? (not sure what happens to women.)

Please be honest and let me know if I am missing the pee boat…cuz you know…pee is what I do.

Do any of you do this? Know anyone who does? Believe in it?

To Pee Or Not To Pee

As you may be able to tell from the name of my blog, I have a tendency to pee into the wind. But that is not the only thing about pee that I like….I grew up in the northeast and spent many a winter producing creative ‘art’ on my white snow canvas. I peed on my brother after my other brother and I tied him up. I have (I am man enough to admit it) peed myself …as a grown man. I pee outdoors at every opportunity…bushes, behind trees, alleys, fields, off boats, in streams…you know…pretty much anywhere. In addition to all of that, I have a small bladder, so I go pretty much all the time.

As a 41 year old man, with all of the aforementioned experience, I do consider myself an expert…or urinary master extraordinaire…as I have been referred to from time to time.

With that said, I have considered writing books on the subject…things like Taking the Piss (The History of PEE) for the guys and How to Pee Standing Up for all of you ladies…who want to let loose and pee in the wind with me.

Maybe I am talking about pee too much or maybe just sharing too much about myself personally, but I really don’t care.

I love to pee. You know when you have to pee really bad?...no when holding it hurts so much that you actually start to laugh. When you finally let go…it is complete ecstasy… A ‘peegasm’ if you will. Or when you (knowing how big or small your own bladder is) pee for so long that you wonder if something is wrong…then you just get that little smile on your face…you’ve actually impressed your own self. What about when ….oh never mind…you get my point.

Lastly, I got a bit upset when I saw this. Who do theses asses think they are anyways?

Confucius Vs. Dr. Phil

I don’t know about you but recently I have been having some issues with the sayings like, “Money can’t buy love.” and “Money doesn’t equal happiness."

I know that literally they are true, but at the core of what they mean….I have always thought it to be… without the ‘pad’ of money, it is much easier to feel/experience what love really is.

Now…Philosophers and ‘wise men’ may say these things, while at the same time, psychologists and socioeconomic studies say the complete opposite. “The lack of money and financial hard times are proven to be the root of a great deal of divorce, break ups, and household dysfunction.”

WTF!?

With the economy, lack of work and rising costs of having 6 kids (schools, groceries, movies, ice cream, birthday gifts, etc., etc.) The ‘lack of funds’ is proving to have a devastating effect on our whole house.

Mariah and I worry about ‘making it’ through the month, while the kids, increasingly, need things - and we don't need the kids worrying about our money situation. Continually telling the kids that we can’t afford it or that it will have t wait kind of puts a damper on their day and makes them wonder how stable our family really is. Meanwhile, Mariah and my stress levels rise and it tends to come out in the form of a cold, angry, or unhappy attitude…which then equates to the Gods pissing on our ‘flame.’

I love Mariah. I love all of the kids. I love the time we are able to spend together. I love what we have. But these days it seems that, whether it is Mariah and I or one of us with one of ( or a group of ) the kids…tempers are short, attitudes uneasy and the lovey, cuddly sides of us all are pushed aside from the stress. I feel like at any given time…someone in the house is in a foul mood…and does everyone else have the right to be cheery and happy?

I miss the constant smiles that we all once shared. I miss the spontaneous love making. I miss the luxury of being able to take Mariah out for an evening.

I want it all back!

I know that it is all part of being an adult, being a parent, being out of work and struggling through hard times…but it is plaguing me and I fucking hate it!!!!

Peeing in a Tornado

OK….What gives?

Let’s just say that reflecting on things…sitting or lying down trying to assess my current situation… has become quite the nightmare of a task.

Basic summary:

I am unemployed.

I have been looking for work for about a year and have literally come up dry. I won’t say that I have been out on the streets banging on doors every day, but I have sent my resume to thousands of people and still….nothing.

I know that the economy and the current job market suck right now…and that huge numbers of people are out of work…which just makes it that much harder.

There seem to be many reasons that I am not finding work:
Over-qualified
No experience
Felony record

Now, over the past 25 years, I have done the following for work; Restaurant (dishwasher, server, bar back, assistant manager), Construction (roofer, grunt for wood framing contractor), Mental Health (worker and then manager for 2 different group homes for mentally handicapped adults), Public Relations (in-house for House of Blues, then started a PR firm which I ran for 8 years), Internet/Magazines (co-founded 2 successful online magazines and acted as Executive Editor for another), Professional (General administration and then promoted to Operations Manager for an LA based financial consulting firm.)

When I apply to PR/marketing companies…I usually get, “too qualified” or “we found someone who better matches our needs.”
When I apply to offices for Admin jobs…I did not work in that field long enough or I am over qualified (what the fuck does that mean?...both over and under????)
When I apply at McDonalds and grocery stores (which I have) I get turned away upon them seeing a felony record.
When I apply for general labor jobs, I do not have current experience…15 years ago does not seem to count.
…WHATEVER… The point is, I CAN”T FIND A FUCKING GOOD JOB!
(**if you know of anything…feel free to let me know)

Am I going to have to move to freakin Greece and become a fisherman? Try out for Deadliest Catch, leverage everything I can and give it a shot as a professional poker player?

What?...you ask what my dream job is? I would start as a crew member and then an owner of a sportfishing charter…fishing the big boys off southern Baja. Shit…I’d take cleaning the docks in Marina Del Rey.

AND THEN…..My (pending) divorce…
This case has been going on for more than 3.5 years. She has a (well she is on her 5th) lawyer and I (since the start) can’t afford one and did not think that there was enough to argue about to really need one. MY BAD! So, I am still not, technically, divorced (although the judge granted the dissolution more than a year ago.) All I want is to have fair / standard time with my boys. I suppose that if I got a job, I could hire an attorney and get this whole thing over with…but scroll back to the top.

With 6 kids – it is hard not to feel like a total fucking loser. The situation is absolutely Maddening!

Well…..enough of this pity / venting shit and back to actually feeling like shit.

Corn and the Mysteries of the World

WARNING! This post might be a bit on the crude side, but it is an honest, random thought that has drifted through my mind a time or two.

*AND I am trying to weed out my sissy-ass, prude and generally boring readers. (PLEASE leave an honest comment...It will help me in the weeding department.)

What is the nutritional value of corn? How much of it is taken in by the body?

I ask because I know that when I have a healthy serving of corn with a meal…pretty much the same amount comes out in my …movements.

Don’t get me wrong, I am not bashing corn…I love corn and will eat it as long as I have teeth.

I am just curious as to its nutritional value and how much of the corn the body ingests.

I know that with one kernel of corn, inside the ‘skin’ is a mushy center…is that all that is consumed by the body? I also know that the outer skin is what is…’left behind.’ What the hell kind of alien food is eaten but the body refuses to or cannot break it down?

Feel free to check out the evidence here if you dare.

If you have crazy Yoda-like corn knowledge and can enlighten the rest of the world…Please do. I’d put this mystery up there with Bigfoot, Amelia Earhart and the Loch Ness Sea Monster.

"Weight! ...I'm Going To A Vegas Buffet!"

The saying... "everything is big in Texas" is wrong...check out the Vegas buffets.

I’ll start off by saying that I am, by no means, a skinny guy. I am not big…but do have a bit of a…round mid-section.

Now I have nothing against the ‘larger breed’ but after being in Las Vegas over the weekend, and doing my best to make up for losses at the all you can eat buffets…I am simply amazed at the number of severely obese people camped out at their tables with huge plates of greasy food laid out in front of them.

I do admit that I pride myself on how much I can eat. I do make a point of loading up at buffets and am not scared to have more than one plate in front of me. That being said, I usually have a big plate of salad and then a plate of meat and starches...and maybe a veggie or two.

Walking around the buffet at the casino, I could not help but to stare in amazement at the tables of ‘large’ people and the foods that were piled high on their plates. Mounds of fried chicken and shrimp, huge cuts of fatty prime rib and mountains of buttery mashed potatoes and then there were assortments of cakes, pies and ice creams filled the center of many of the tables.

I don’t know if it is just me, but I could not help but to think that if I were as big as some of those people, I’d have a hard time feeling ok with piling it up the way that I witnessed. That...along with the tables with very large parents and seriously obese children...kind of made me mad. What are the parents thinking?

Maybe it has something to do with ‘the numbers’ – trying to offset the cost of the rooms and how much they gambled. Maybe it is more of an uncontrollable urge. Maybe it is just me…judging…since I am not that big…yet.

I don’t know. I seemed to only see these huge people in and around the buffets…never at the gaming tables and rarely at the slots. Why do they come to Vegas? It can’t be to walk around and explore the city. I could barely walk a block without the need to towel off all of the sweat in the sweltering neon city.

I know that this post makes me out to be quite the judgmental ass hole, but I can assure you that I do not dislike obese people…I may not understand their thinking at times, but I have some obese people that I am very close with and they are some of the most genuine and loving people in my life.

Well……..If you think you hate me now….just wait til my next post…I am sure that I will outdo myself and once again dig a big hole to dive into.

Coolest Daddy Blogger!

I was just informed that I was nominated at Label Daddy as one of the coolest Daddy bloggers of the year. That is right…I am reaching out to you all for your support. Go there and nominate me!! I am actually not sure what I would win…but that does not really matter…It would just be the whole prestige thing.

Anyway, go nominate me and tell all of your friends to do the same. As a thank you…I will send you naked photos write a post about you and how great you are. I know you all like that link love.

And a special thanks to Annette for being the first to nominate me!!!!

The English Language Sucks!

I know that it has been a while since I last posted, but there has just been a lot going on in my life lately. Not to mention my latest issue.

The kids are off visiting with their father and the house is virtually empty. These are the times that I reserve to get some shit done around the house. The project at the top of my list right now, though not a huge one, is the cause for both anxiety and deep thought.

The project itself is simple…repair the leak in our shower. Remove the shower knob. Remove and replace worn inner part(s). Re-attach knob and seal. Simple…yes, I know.

The issue is as follows: I have no caulk. (No…I did not say COCK…I said caulk.) This is where the anxiety comes in. I hate the fact that I have to walk into my local hardware store and ask the burly guy that runs the place if he has caulk. What do you say? “Excuse me…I am looking for caulk.” “Do you have caulk?” “Where can I find caulk?” “Do you have light brown caulk? My wife does not want white caulk.”

What the fuck is wrong with the guy who invented and named caulk? Wouldn’t you think that he’d know how it sounds and that the majority of people buying it would be plumbers, builders, DIY “manly men” and the such? He could have just named it; goop or sealer or even sticky shit. (Although there may be similar issues with “sticky shit.”

So basically, I have not started my project and have a feeling that before I do, I will be down at the hardware store scanning the aisles for the caulk display as so this manly mo fo will not need to inquire with anyone about caulk.

I even thought about sending Mariah to make the purchase…but I know her. She would have too much fun with it and would be all, “Excuse me big boy….can you show me your caulk? I need some very badly.” OH HELL NO….I ain’t with all that!

MILF = Hot Boobs or Great Ass?

As with all living things…we as humans have types. By type I mean that thing we say when describing qualities that attract us to one another. Let me rephrase that…”I am an ass man.” I say that because saying “I am a lips man” or “I am an eyes man” sounds kind of …un manly. Those are, in fact, the three physical attributes in a woman that can make me come to attention…so to speak.

*To Mariah: You have incredible eyes and lips and if I go more than a few hours without inappropriately staring at your ass…or giving it a good slap…I get the shakes and go into withdrawals.

OK…back to my pre-disclaimer thought. I think that I’d say I like butts and lips evenly and eyes come in a close second. If you have all three (like my baby) consider yourself special. Don’t get me wrong ladies, I know that what is on the inside is more important and looks only get you so far…yada yada. I am NOT talking about love…nor even wanting to strike up a conversation with anyone. Just that thing that catches your eye at first glimpse. You ladies have it too…buff chest, six pack abs…a large bulge in the pants, etc. You know…that thing that lets us know that we are still alive.

I am not sure, nation-wide…or world wide where I’d fit in the percentages…Are there more ass men than boob men? Speaking of boob men…they are kind of funny. The boob men that I know are like scavengers, in my book. It seems that they look at every set that walks by. Big, small, real, fake, firm and perky, droopy and low…all of them. Maybe some guys become boob men because it is the easiest part of a woman’s body to see. To get a good read on an ass takes the right angle, the right outfit…and even then you sometimes never know.

**another disclaimer – after checking out Google Analytics, it seems that the terms Boobs, Hot boobs and MILF tend to send a lot of traffic my way.

Anyway, with asses it is different, at least for me. I don’t like NOR LOOK AT; XL, inverted, slanty, extra wide, too high or too low butts. I like a butt with some meat…making it a nice ‘round mound of fun’ I’d post a picture of Mariah’s sexy ass for you to all check out but Webster’s has a copyright of the image for their new dictionary.

See what kind of nonsense looking at Analytics can make people write?

Terrets In My Tent

So, all of these years that I am thinking that I am crazy….I figure I can find out right away by posting some shit right here.

I sometimes (a lot) have these random, fragmented thoughts…sometimes just in my head…and sometimes I feel the need to just blurt them out. NO….I do not have turrets.

I can just be sitting around with people or alone and say, “24, 16, 9, 7, 46, 18, turtle, banana, ocean, five times fast.” or something like, "oh, I wish I were an Oscar Myer wiener..." while walking around the house.

That is no exaggeration. I mean it does not go on all the time and it is not an every day thing, but regularly enough where Mariah has started finishing those ‘sentences’ for me….How fucked is THAT?

Does anyone else do this? Am I the only one? Do I need professional help?

Cobwebs and Yellow Pee

What’s been going on with me since you last saw me peeing, you ask?

Well, let me tell you...as I clear away the cobwebs from my tent and spray my golden stream high into the air once again.

Besides starting up two other blogs (Hot Dads and Bedside Tales) which are still up. The Hot Dads one is great and I am so glad that I started it. we have a relly fun group of the web's hottest daddy bloggers around. BedsideTales...was an escape from my identity here...but ...I feel much more at home...in my tent and a full bladder.

I have been doing much of the same shit as I did before. Carpooling the kids all over God’s creation, going to divorce court every month (so that I can hear the judge grant Her side another continuance,) suffering from unexplainable and seemingly untreatable allergies, camping, collecting more hula bobble girls, looking for substantial work, attempting to perfect the art of using ‘the force’ on the kids so that they quiet down and do their homework and chores without arguing…..um….what else? Oh yeah…maintaining an abundance of steamy sex with Mariah, volunteering at the kids’ schools and best of all….spending more time with my boys!

I have finally gotten to a point in this drawn out court ‘battle’ where I have my boys every other weekend and every Wednesday afternoon. I am so happy and we are loving spending that time together.

My little sister, who is also adopted, is coming out from Ohio to stay with us for ten days this week. I have not seen her in years and she has never met Mariah and the rest of the gang here. She is 14, yes…there is a 27 year age difference between us. That is so weird to me and when I was talking with Mariah’s kids about her visiting…I have to say that it did seem odd that my 14 year old sister is (kind of) the aunt to Mariah’s 10, 12, 13 and 17 year olds. In my head….that wreaks of ‘redneck.’

Anyway…I will be getting back to my regular posts ASAP…but in the meantime…I thought I’d give you this little morsel to chew on.

3 Fucking Years!!!!!!

You ever have something that you really want to do (for many reasons) and you just can’t seem to get it done…no matter how hard you try?

Well that is MY LIFE!

As you all know…I married the wrong bitch-ass, cunt, troll, psycho person the first time around. We separated in September of 2005 and the divorce proceedings started shortly afterward.

Now…3 FUCKING YEARS LATER…I still can’t seem to get the freakin troll off my back!

I love my two young boys (who live with their motherfucker) to death…but I want the legal issues to be finalized so that there is no more back and forth and we can all move on.
I fell in love with Mariah (Insane Mama) and her kids…I want to marry her, but I can’t until my divorce is finalized.
I want to be able to get along ok with mongoloid cunt…but she is a nasty, backstabbing piece of shit…and I have to say that I’ve had some pretty evil thoughts about her…and her well being…and continue to find myself smiling after each thought.

How can a divorce case last more than 3 years when there is no fight over money or property? Well…let me tell you:

She has ‘changed’ lawyers 4 times…each time the new one would be granted a continuance.
She has come to every court appearance with long lists of accusations, which the judge (by law) has to examine.
She makes a point to state at every opportunity that she will not agree to, but is willing to ‘discuss’ overnight visits down the road…knowing that that is what I want…so we have to go back to court and fight again.

On another note….but about as frustrating…I had this throat problem since last December, where I irritatingly clear my throat every 5 minutes or so…EVERY DAY!!! At first I thought that I was just a bit sick, then tried some random over the counter meds that by reading them I thought might work. Then I went to see my Dr. who told me that it must be an allergy….although the allergist and blood work up that I had done said that I am not allergic to anything. My doc put me on Zyrtec D and the shit stopped…after about 2 weeks…but in the meantime…I got a cold and now, although not clearing my throat…I can’t get rid of my hacking cough. Just another thing that I just can’t seem to have ‘closure’ with.

TALK ABOUT PEEING IN THE WIND!

Golden Showers with TentCamper - In PRIVATE

Hello Everyone ! (yes...this is a re-post)

This post is serving as my official notice that I will be going ‘private’.

Without getting into too much detail…I did not start blogging for DRAMA and that is what has started to happen. I invite you all to drop me an email if you would still like access to my blog. I will continue posting…and it may get even better once I am peeing in private!!!!

Please email me and I will grant you access…if you have the proper credentials. If you hae not been a regular here...please include your blog address... (provocative pictures, Social Security #, bank account info, finger print and mouth swab ...for DNA testing.)

I will be leaving this up for a few days…then you will need permission to access this blog.

Sorry that this needs to be so difficult…but I kind of like being all stealth and shit….I am Jason Bourne you know!!!!

I look forward to a long and prosperous life…peeing in my PRIVATE tent.

Thanks to you all for all of your support!!

TentCamper
tentcamper1[AT]gmail.com

Tropical Storm In My Coochie

OK….Fuck it….I’m just going to get it out in the open.

Maybe it is the overcast day, maybe I am the first guy to get his ‘period’, maybe I just woke up on the wrong side of the bed…but I am a bit …ruffled.

I will begin by saying that I blog for personal therapy, to share my life experiences and to get honest feedback from people about what I go through and what I’ve been through. I am typically not a “hater” and am not very concerned with my blog numbers. What I do care about is the blogging community’s etiquette and bloggers’ respect for each other.

Now I may make some enemies here and, as stated above…I could really NOT give a shit.

Where do I start? I am fairly new to blogging…I started blogging in July and this will be my 103 post. I do my best at networking to find a group of people who like to read what I write…and who I enjoy reading. Not that we need to like everything that each of us writes…but enough so that we visit each other’s blogs and comment on a regular basis.

As far as I am concerned, I do not think that just because I like you…or I have linked to you…that means you need to like me. BUT, out of respect, thanks, etiquette…or whatever…if I visit, read and comment on your blog every day…don’t you think that maybe you could swing by once in a while to leave a “thanks for the visits” comment…just for the sake of it? I am getting really turned off by the people who don’t do that…or can’t find the time to pull their heads out of Dooce’s vagina to drop a thank you to their loyal readers. That makes me think a few things: 1. That they are pompous ass holes that care nothing about their readers…only their numbers. 2. That what they write is over-prepared and lacking in the “this is me” arena. 3. That they are too wrapped up in themselves to remember what being polite means.

I don’t really mean to point fingers here, and I know that the blog/person that I am about to mention is not the only one…but it is one that I have had this very experience with.

OK…To set this up properly, the thing that gets to me is when you read and post on someone and they read and post on your blog…on a regular/daily basis…and then their comments stop while yours continue. Now I know that people loose readers all the time, but in cases like these, it feels more like some of these bloggers think that they’ve risen above the rest of us…that their ‘blogshit’ doesn’t stink and that they are too good for the regular folks. Topping that off, when I see posts on their blogs about their blogging powers, boasting about the number of readers that they have, making a run for the super-popular bloggers and writing made up, fantasy-esc stories about their families (when they claim that their blog is about them and their life)…I feel like kicking them …right in their Analytics!

Yes…I am speaking of Black Hockey Jesus – the guy with Hot Air In HIS Vagina. I have had him on my blogroll for 3 months. I, from the start commented daily. He did the same. I got comments from him on a regular basis. NOW…he has not left a comment since he went on his crusade to ‘beat’ Dooce. I continued reading him and …he is still on my blogroll. I hope that he comes back down to earth. I love his writing and think that he is funny as shit…but He is showing his uncaring, pompous, arrogant side these days. His blogroll only consists of people that get in excess of like 1,000 visits a day and those seem to be the only people that he comments on. Now, with the 30+ comments that he’s gotten so far on the post he put up today…my guess is that about 5 will receive comments from him. That is kind of FUCKED!!!!

Why did he stop commenting on my blog? Have I change my writing style or what I write about lately? NO! Did I bash him or stop reading or commenting on his site? NO! What is it? From what I can piece together…it is solely that his comments on my site will not bring him any new or additional traffic. That is fucked and I hope that when he reads this he can at least take a minute to understand where I am coming from …and maybe leave a comment to tell me why he no longer reads/comments on my blog.

Phew…… Glad I got that off my chest.

Again…he is NOT the only one. There are many mommy and daddy bloggers who are doing the same exact thing…I just saw it most clearly with him.


Shit….I hope he does not track me down and … challenge me to a trampoline contest…or …talk shit to the dead about me.

You all have any thoughts on this subject?

A Love Affair

In the absence of coming up with something interesting and pertinent to write about today, I thought that I’d come clean on a very sensitive relationship issue. I know that this may cause some waves here at home, but…you know me….I Pee In The Wind.

Well, without beating around the bush…I’ll just come right out and say it.

I am having two love affairs! There …I said it. I don’t want you all to think that I am a bad person…or a foolish man for saying this where I know that Insane Mama will read all about it. I think that she already has some suspicions. I know that she sees me staring and smiling at them. She hears the discrete words of affection that drift from my mouth. And I’m sure that she does not miss the fireworks that go off within my eyes when I see them.

I don’t really try to hide these yearnings and strong emotions…and Insane Mama has hinted that she may be willing to share me with these two other loves. Now one of them has been my mistress for more than ten years and since that has been going so well, I picked up my newest love just a few years ago. Combined, their mix of beauty, sex appeal, no strings relationships…the fact that they will go anywhere with me and that…tingly feeling that I get inside when with them…is something that I don’t want to let go of.

When you read this Insane Mama…please know that YOU come first…always…But I do think that a foursome (all of us together) would be a great way for us to explore new things together.





That being said….I’d like you all to meet my mistresses.








The smooth refreshing wave of chilly goodness that flows from a bottle of Boston’s Samuel Adams Boston Lager mixed with the sexy wiggle of my collection of hula bobble dancers…makes me smile…every time I see them.

Wow….that was not as hard as I had thought.

Ansel TentCamper

I know that you all think that I am some kind of rambling, psychotic, uncaring, maniac, sexaholic who just walks around and pees all over the place…but I am not...not all of the time.

I can honestly say that while camping in the Sequoia’s…I found …the softer side of TentCamper.

I also found …….. MY NEW BLOGGER ICON (PICTURE) !!!!!!!!!!!

Well...........WAHT DO YOU THINK?

I'm Just Sayin !!!!!!!

OK EVERYONE!!!!!!!

Focus! Pay attention! This is one of the most important posts that I will be serving up all weekend.

Now, knowing many of you…as well as I do, I know that prestige, fashion and trendsetting are among the most important things in your life. Well besides sex, family and …of course the internet.

Well…enough of that. What I am here to let you know is that I am about to clue you in on one of the Internets best kept secrets…a place where each and every one of you can ...not only be your community’s “Trend-Setting Hero” but also seen as a sexy, fashion guru.

Are you all ready?

Wait a minute…If I tell you about this and you do not act on it…I may have to track you down and ….pee on you.

Oh…you also have to promise to tell all of your friends and family about this…hidden gem.

TENT CAMPER’S NEW ONLINE STORE!
Now you all can pee in the wind with me and show everyone that you are proud to be a Tent Camper. Whether you go with the trendy, hot, sexy panties or the uber cool T-shirts and bumper stickers, this store has it all.

Now for the special treat…. If you would like a T-shirt or bumper sticker that says something else….I DO take requests! I’d be happy to create custom products for any of you.

e.g. Sex Is Best With A – Tent Camper
Tent Camper Loves Me
Peeing In The Wind Makes Me Happy

So please…go check out the store and after your initial purchase…I’d love to hear your feedback.

Thank you all for your patronage!!!!

What The Fuck!!!!!!!!

Now, I thought that I came up with a pretty good name for my blog. I mean, with MY life… I seem to, quite often, pee into the wind, and have little warm, yellow, droplets of human waste come flying back at me, covering me with proof that I am not the perfect guy that I sometimes feel that I am. After doing a quick scan of my stats on Google Analytics, I am now scared that I could have done it once again. I can be fairly sure that my name is rising on the government watch lists. The last thing I need in my life at this point is to go to federal prison for child porn. Not that I have anything to do with it….but….when you take a look at the Google search terms that landed people on my blog, over the past week, it may seem that I’ve got something completely WRONG going on. For your viewing pleasure, and so that I have some witnesses that can back me up if I get picked up, I have pasted the terms below.

12 years old peeing, 13 years old peeing, 9 to 12 years old peeing, Candid tinkle, How to, pee in a one piece, Jerk me off mom, Jerked off by mom, Little boys having a pee, Little sister peeing in my mouth, Nasty peeing, Nasty pig sex in my tent, Peeing at beach on people, Peeing boobs, Peeing child movie list, Peeing girls naked eleven, Peeing on bus seats, People don’t have feathers, Woman tree peeing, Sexy mama pee

Now…first of all…when the hell did I ever post something having to do with people having feathers? Secondly, seeing what kind of people are landing on my page…I could be picked up …by association…that would really suck…cuz if I got thrown into a holding cell with any of those freaks…I know I’d then be charged with homicide.

I’ve now been thinking that changing my blog’s name to something a bit less “RED FLAG-Y”. Now, trying to stay within the same scope…or along the same lines, I had a few thoughts for my name change…Let me know what you think.

I make some choices that are not so good
Things in life can come right back and get you
The good, the bad and the ….oh ….shit…who knows what’s coming next
Sometimes what you choose, may not be the best thing
Don’t make decisions until you are inside and sitting down

Well the list goes on, but I just don’t think they are as good as the one that I have.

My last comment on this is that I now feel strongly that with the technological powers that Google has, that they should be gathering IP and other information from people doing searches like the above (and worse) and supplying the authorities with all information possible. Even if it does not catch these freaks, it may slow them down, make them think twice or at the very least…keep them away from my prude, family oriented, online journal.

My First Award

Well....here we have it!!!! I am pleased to announce that I have been awarded my first Blog Award (I think it is called) The Premio Arte Y Pico Blog Award.

I would first like to thank MamaDawg at Two Dogs Running for presenting this, first of many...I am sure, award to me. Next I will thank Insane Mama (for introducing me to blogging) and finally I have to thank; tents, camping, pee, small bladders, wind, nature, the blogging community, crazy people, my kids, family, my superior smarts and lastly...my extreme good looks!

I have included the guidelines for this award below...for those of you who are unfamiliar. As I am now in a position to present this award to 5 bloggers...I am awarding it to:

1. Insane Mama at Help I Have A Teenager - For always being there for me, teaching me the blogging trade and for being able to express herself in a way that I wish I could....and because she does not have any awards.

2. Candid Carrie - For her humor, support to us all, great stories and her love for perky boobs.

3. Wind In Your Vagina's Black Hockey Jesus - For his unique views on life with kids, his engaging writing style and his KILLER blog name.

4. Lulaville's Lula - For her unrelenting love for all things Bloggy, her openness and ...love for IM's perky boobs.

and

5. Always Home And Uncool - For being a guy, writing some really cool / uncool posts and opening the door for the rest of us...uncool stay at home guys.

If you already have the award just accept and that's all you have to do.

1. You have to pick 5 blogs that you consider deserving of this award for their creativity, design, interesting material, and also contribute to the blogging community, no matter what language.

2. Each award has to have the name of the author and a link to his/her blog to be visited by everyone.

3. Each award winner has to show the award and put the name and link to the blog that presented her/him with the award.

4. The award winner and one who has given the prize have to show the link "Arte y Pico" blog so everyone will know the origin of this award.

5. Show these rules.

And the pee continues

OK. I thought that the excitement for the night was over, I settled back into my trusty chair by the fire and ... low and behold... little miss 9-year-old "I have to do everything that you do" decided that she needed to go pee in the bush too. I had had quite enough pee for the evening and felt that she would be just fine peeing behind a bush. About a minute later...walking like a bow-legged cowgirl, I see my little 9 year old approaching me with a sad, disgusted face on. I knew exactly what happened as I saw the flickering of the campfire dancing on her dripping legs. I asked her what happened and she told me that she didn't think that if she peed ON the bush that her pee wold run down the leaves and branches right back onto her legs. I burst into laughter, instantly making her cry, then gave her a big hug stating that we were now the PEE King and Queen of the campsite.

Enough was enough...we all used the "real" bathrooms for the rest of our trip.